By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Holly_McClenahan]Holly McClenahan
You may understand an absent dad is one who has died or left the family due to divorce or inability to maintain a relationship with the mother and is rarely, if ever, participating in the child's life. A perceived absent dad is a dad that doesn't feel available to the child emotionally, physically or spiritually. The perceived absent dad is the one this article will focus on. Many dads would never think of abandoning their children and just don't realize by not being present to their child they are abandoning them.
Children with an absent dad can grow up with the same emotional and behavioral problems as children with a perceived absent dad. Low self esteem can affect them for their entire life and this can undermine their ability to live at their highest level of achievement. They develop poor decision making skills and put themselves in dangerous situations such as being abused, dropping out of school or doing drugs. Children learn what they live and a dad's influence can never be underestimated.
A dad who works all day, comes home and absorbs himself in activities that are all about himself can feel like, to a child, that he is not available. So can a dad that goes out after work for adult activities and doesn't even see their child before they go to bed. Even a dad who is doing things to better the family like mowing the yard, making home repairs, cooking, looking up vacation spots on the internet or working on a project for work can create a atmosphere of "don't bother daddy, he's busy".
To the child this means there is no time for me. The child can feel anger, sorrow, fear or anxiety. The stories in their head start: "I am not important, I don't matter, I am bad, I don't belong, I am a burden, I am not enough, I am a screw-up, I am not loved, I am invisible, I don't deserve, I am unworthy, I am not wanted, I am not special." These become the child's limiting beliefs and these beliefs will stay with them as they grow. Even a minor non-traumatic event can form a negative file that will be added to over the years. As you can see, all these beliefs create low self esteem and this type of child becomes an adult who cannot reach their potential.
No amount verbalizing and trying to convince your child that you love and care about them will work to change their negative thoughts and beliefs of themselves. You have to take action. You have to model the kind of person you would like them to be. It is up to you to meet the needs of the child that are deeper than food, water and a roof over their head. The deeper needs are love bonding and closeness, nurturing, security and trust, protection from harm, positive touch, positive communication, expression of feelings and thoughts, appreciation, joyful play, validation and acknowledgment, and positive separation. Let's look at how you can meet your child's needs and be the best dad ever to that beautiful child of yours.
First, look into your child's eyes. A child needs to be truly seen. They are feeling creatures and are in tune with everyone and everything around them. If you look into their eyes while speaking or doing activities with them you learn to see how they are feeling or how they are experiencing what is happening right now. It takes patience, commitment and practice. It is a simple and profound action that will help to meet the child's need for love bonding, nurturing, validation and trust.
Take time every day to give your child undivided attention. It's not the amount of time that is so important, it is the quality of the time. I come from a family with five children close in age and we were usually all doing something as a family. I remember, as a child, what an exciting feeling it was for my dad to take me somewhere with him without my brothers or sister. It didn't matter if it was just to the post office or a walk in the woods or to sit in his lap while he played the harmonica for me. I felt special. I felt acknowledged. I felt loved. I felt safe.
Speak positive and stop criticizing! There was a study done that showed parents use approximately eighteen negative statements for every positive one and these are usually directed towards their child. So, let's say you said ten positive statement to your child, this means you may have said around 180 negative statements. Now double or triple those numbers. Critical communication fuels a child's self criticism and creates anxiousness. When they are older, and you are no longer around to criticize and berate them, they will have their inner critic take over where you left off. No wonder depression and low self esteem is rampant. How about keeping track of your communications for one week? Be curious about how positive or negative your speech is. By speaking more lovingly you meet your child's need for positive communication and they are more inclined to come to you if they have a problem
Incorporate loving touch every day. Hug them often. Give a back rub before bed. Rub lotion on their arms and legs. Have them sit in your lap while you read a story or let them read a story to you. An important awareness here is that young children scare easily and they are masters at reading your facial expressions and tone of voice. If you do this because you think you have to or are just fulfilling an expected task, they will know. They possibly, and probably, will not be able to verbalize how this makes them feel. They will begin to act out. Boys may get angry and be aggressive with hitting and teasing others. Girls may turn to other men or boys to get attention leading to early promiscuous behavior. Loving touch from a dad meets the child's needs of positive touch, nurturing and trust.
Do whatever it takes to bubble up laughter between the two of you. Take your child to a park and play with them. Sing silly songs with him. Dance to the music she likes. Help her make up silly names for her stuffed animals. Look for opportunities to make your child smile and see the sparkle in their eyes. Expressions of joy and joyful play create a feeling of closeness with you. A child will feel lovable, loved, validated and appreciated for their uniqueness. If Dad thinks I'm great then I must be great!
Do the best you can and always be yourself. Let your child know who you are. We make mistakes as a parent, all parents do, just do your best. It will be enough even if you make small changes. Over time the small changes will add up and one day you will recognize how amazingly close you are with your child and you will see the gifts your child gave you. You are more loving, more compassionate, more patient, more fulfilled, more forgiving, more tolerant and more you.
It is by making a choice and taking deliberate action to connect with your child you will create a loving and lasting relationship. The child will not be afraid to come to you when they are afraid. They will trust you and trust that they are loved. They will sleep better and make positive friendships. They will be happy with who they are. They will be confident as they become adults. Most of all, they will know they have the best dad in the whole world. You are not a perceived absent dad, you are one of the most positive influential presences in their life.
Holly McClenahan, Trauma Resolution Specialist, is passionate about raising the self esteem in America. You can show your support by visiting [http://www.GetYourGeniusOn.com]http://www.GetYourGeniusOn.com. To learn more about Holly go to http://www.Harmonyh.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Are-You-An-Absent-Dad-or-a-Perceived-Absent-Dad?&id=6300109] Are You An Absent Dad or a Perceived Absent Dad?
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Divorce to Dad, With the Loss of a Family Comes the Appreciation for What I Had
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=R._Cabral]R. Cabral
One observation I have made over the years is that when you are an extremely self-addicted person, you really never recognize the behavior while it is happening. Instead it is when you are at a place of brokenness that the clarity of who you are and how you have lived your life comes to light. That is what happened to me.
During my marriage, I was focused entirely on what was best for Rick. I wanted to look good and I wanted to feel good - not tomorrow, but today. My appetite for material possessions, wealth, and sexual satisfaction were insatiable. Those things consumed me and drove me. There was no God in my life. No, I put myself up on a pedestal and worshiped me. I made me god.
Brokenness comes along when you least expect it. For me, I thought I had it all, more money than I knew what to do with, a wife, 2-year-old daughter, and a son on the way, yet through the broken road of divorce, I discovered what being a dad really means. January 17, 2001, is a date I will always remember. That was the day my wife filed for divorce. But, more importantly, that day marked an event that radically shaped the man I would become and the dad I hoped to be.
Within a day of being served divorce papers, I found myself in a very modest apartment sparsely filled with rental furniture. It was a far cry from the new home I spent more than a year designing and building. However, what cut me deeper than any loss of material comfort was the pain I experienced from not seeing my daughter every day. Admittedly, I was not the most attentive dad up to that point, but not knowing what my daughter was feeling or what she was doing was excruciating. I would no longer be able to give her a bath, put on her jammies, or tuck her in at night. I would not see her first thing in the morning or get a kiss goodbye as I left for work. Regardless of how disengaged I was as a dad, I still loved my daughter and I missed her. I wondered if she missed me too.
During the next few months, the divorce proceedings were taking a toll on me emotionally. I wanted to quickly settle the financial aspects of the divorce and increase access time with my children, but the process did not work that way. Our divorce became heated. Couples often say they will deal with the divorce amicably, but rarely do I see them follow through with that concept. I remember my father telling me early on that I needed to be prepared, because when a couple gets a divorce, they simply are not on the same team anymore. It's not unlike a professional athlete who is traded. Once that player has a different uniform on, he is no longer part of the original team. The city that loved him now considers him the enemy. I learned that lesson the hard way. I trusted we could work together toward a resolution. Unfortunately, as it turned out, my father's assessment was accurate.
Although we were going through a very difficult divorce, we both tried to do what we thought was best for the children. Initially, I was only allowed access to my daughter two times a week for two hours each visit. This lasted about six weeks. It was during these visits that I realized how much I loved my little girl and wanted to be in her life.
There is one visit with my daughter in particular that will probably be etched in my mind forever. After a trip to the park to play on the swings, it was time to take my daughter back home. A song came on the radio that went straight to my heart. I can't remember the song, but as it played, tears began to stream down my face. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw my precious and innocent daughter sitting in her car seat just staring out the window. I remember thinking that I didn't want to drop her off. I wanted the day to keep on going. I wanted a do-over, a mulligan, as her dad.
I wiped the tears with my sleeve, parked the car, and got her out of her car seat. As I carried her to the front door, my daughter said, "Daddy, why don't you live with me and mommy anymore?" I kept my composure and told her that I loved her more than anything. I hugged her tightly and did everything I could to hold back the emotion. I barely opened the car door before I broke into tears. It was one of those deep cries that come from your soul; the kind that has you gasping for air; the kind that you never forget.
I became very focused after that visit with my daughter. I knew I wanted to be a fully involved and equal-access parent. Not just the Disneyland dad, but one who would get the children dressed, make them breakfast, help with homework, read bedtime stories, and show them that it is acceptable to feel and express their feelings.
Underneath my drive to be in their lives, I questioned whether I had the tools to be a great dad. Was love enough? Voices of doubt filled my head, reminding me that I had no experience and that my children's mom probably could raise them better than I could. I chose not to listen to those lies.
I was not going to let culture dictate what my role was going to be in my children's lives. Our culture would have a man believe he isn't capable of raising children, that a woman is better suited to play the role of caregiver. However, I made a conscious choice to avoid that line of thinking and discovered a book written by renowned child psychologist Richard Warshak entitled The Custody Revolution. In the book, the author talks about the false perception or "motherhood mystique" that a mother is more important than a father as it relates to custody decisions. In the past, courts tended to side with women in custody battles. Warshak explained that his 30 years of experience told a different story, one that reveals that fathers are equally as vital to a child's development as are mothers. The book was very inspirational and helped me feel more confident about my pursuit of equal access.
A NEW LIFE
November 27, 2001. That was the day my divorce was finally settled. I was 20 pounds lighter (not by choice) and thoroughly exhausted - both mentally and physically. There was no more wondering what news my lawyer had for me or when I needed to produce another set of documents for review. No, it was as if a mountain was lifted off my shoulders and I could actually breathe again. More importantly, I gained a substantial increase in access to both of my children and the understanding that I would have equal access to them over the next few years. I was ecstatic.
Through my divorce, I learned a lot about who I was as a man. I learned that I loved my children and that I was willing to put others before myself for the first time in my life. I realized that my desire to be with my children stemmed from the pain I endured when my parents got divorced and my mom decided to "walk away" and not play a primary role in our lives. Consequently, I grew up confused and had many unanswered questions, and all of my relationships were affected moving forward. I struggled with trust issues and felt like there had to be something wrong with me for my mom to choose her life over mine. The pain I carried gave me the strength to never want my children to grow up and one day say, "Dad, why didn't you want us?" Those wounds were still deep, yet in retrospect they were a blessing. They enabled a very selfish and self-centered man to choose his children over himself. I may never agree with my mom's decision, yet I forgive her.
These last nine years have been incredibly rewarding, as well as challenging. Early on, I went through a trial-and-error period. I remember when I had my daughter and son over together for the first night (he was only around 1 year old); I felt an enormous sense of responsibility and wondered if I was up to the task. Up until that point, only my daughter had slept over, but now I had a 1- and a 3-year-old. I don't think I slept very well that night. But everything worked out, and over time, I grew into the role.
I was remarried in 2003 and my wife has taught me invaluable lessons about parenting. The greatest lesson she taught me was one of tough love. While we were dating in 2002, my old tendencies came back and I tried to get her to take over the role with the children. I remember her sitting me down and saying that my children need their dad and I needed to step up and be there for them. It was not that she didn't want to help, on the contrary, she is an amazing mother, but she instinctively knew that I needed to be fully present with my two young children. She was right. I'm grateful to this day for the lesson she taught me.
It has been 10 years since my life took the dramatic twist that enabled me to become a dad in the fullest sense of the word. I have been blessed beyond belief. And although I certainly can still be selfish at times, I sit here today a very humbled man. I recognize that everything I have is a gift. Did I earn it? Absolutely not. Am I grateful? Not as much as I should be. The truth is, until I was able to see clearly who I was and how I fell short, I was unable to look past myself.
Inevitably, we will all hit the wall someday - whether it is the death of a loved one, a divorce, a loss of career, or a loss of the fa�ade that we present to the world. Where do we go when we brake...? Is there really any other way? I am not God.
Rebel Magazine is on a mission to help men and become a catalyst for cultural change. To find more content from Rick Cabral and Rebel Magazine, please visit [http://www.rebelmagazine.com/]http://www.rebelmagazine.com/.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Divorce-to-Dad,-With-the-Loss-of-a-Family-Comes-the-Appreciation-for-What-I-Had&id=6303304] Divorce to Dad, With the Loss of a Family Comes the Appreciation for What I Had
One observation I have made over the years is that when you are an extremely self-addicted person, you really never recognize the behavior while it is happening. Instead it is when you are at a place of brokenness that the clarity of who you are and how you have lived your life comes to light. That is what happened to me.
During my marriage, I was focused entirely on what was best for Rick. I wanted to look good and I wanted to feel good - not tomorrow, but today. My appetite for material possessions, wealth, and sexual satisfaction were insatiable. Those things consumed me and drove me. There was no God in my life. No, I put myself up on a pedestal and worshiped me. I made me god.
Brokenness comes along when you least expect it. For me, I thought I had it all, more money than I knew what to do with, a wife, 2-year-old daughter, and a son on the way, yet through the broken road of divorce, I discovered what being a dad really means. January 17, 2001, is a date I will always remember. That was the day my wife filed for divorce. But, more importantly, that day marked an event that radically shaped the man I would become and the dad I hoped to be.
Within a day of being served divorce papers, I found myself in a very modest apartment sparsely filled with rental furniture. It was a far cry from the new home I spent more than a year designing and building. However, what cut me deeper than any loss of material comfort was the pain I experienced from not seeing my daughter every day. Admittedly, I was not the most attentive dad up to that point, but not knowing what my daughter was feeling or what she was doing was excruciating. I would no longer be able to give her a bath, put on her jammies, or tuck her in at night. I would not see her first thing in the morning or get a kiss goodbye as I left for work. Regardless of how disengaged I was as a dad, I still loved my daughter and I missed her. I wondered if she missed me too.
During the next few months, the divorce proceedings were taking a toll on me emotionally. I wanted to quickly settle the financial aspects of the divorce and increase access time with my children, but the process did not work that way. Our divorce became heated. Couples often say they will deal with the divorce amicably, but rarely do I see them follow through with that concept. I remember my father telling me early on that I needed to be prepared, because when a couple gets a divorce, they simply are not on the same team anymore. It's not unlike a professional athlete who is traded. Once that player has a different uniform on, he is no longer part of the original team. The city that loved him now considers him the enemy. I learned that lesson the hard way. I trusted we could work together toward a resolution. Unfortunately, as it turned out, my father's assessment was accurate.
Although we were going through a very difficult divorce, we both tried to do what we thought was best for the children. Initially, I was only allowed access to my daughter two times a week for two hours each visit. This lasted about six weeks. It was during these visits that I realized how much I loved my little girl and wanted to be in her life.
There is one visit with my daughter in particular that will probably be etched in my mind forever. After a trip to the park to play on the swings, it was time to take my daughter back home. A song came on the radio that went straight to my heart. I can't remember the song, but as it played, tears began to stream down my face. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw my precious and innocent daughter sitting in her car seat just staring out the window. I remember thinking that I didn't want to drop her off. I wanted the day to keep on going. I wanted a do-over, a mulligan, as her dad.
I wiped the tears with my sleeve, parked the car, and got her out of her car seat. As I carried her to the front door, my daughter said, "Daddy, why don't you live with me and mommy anymore?" I kept my composure and told her that I loved her more than anything. I hugged her tightly and did everything I could to hold back the emotion. I barely opened the car door before I broke into tears. It was one of those deep cries that come from your soul; the kind that has you gasping for air; the kind that you never forget.
I became very focused after that visit with my daughter. I knew I wanted to be a fully involved and equal-access parent. Not just the Disneyland dad, but one who would get the children dressed, make them breakfast, help with homework, read bedtime stories, and show them that it is acceptable to feel and express their feelings.
Underneath my drive to be in their lives, I questioned whether I had the tools to be a great dad. Was love enough? Voices of doubt filled my head, reminding me that I had no experience and that my children's mom probably could raise them better than I could. I chose not to listen to those lies.
I was not going to let culture dictate what my role was going to be in my children's lives. Our culture would have a man believe he isn't capable of raising children, that a woman is better suited to play the role of caregiver. However, I made a conscious choice to avoid that line of thinking and discovered a book written by renowned child psychologist Richard Warshak entitled The Custody Revolution. In the book, the author talks about the false perception or "motherhood mystique" that a mother is more important than a father as it relates to custody decisions. In the past, courts tended to side with women in custody battles. Warshak explained that his 30 years of experience told a different story, one that reveals that fathers are equally as vital to a child's development as are mothers. The book was very inspirational and helped me feel more confident about my pursuit of equal access.
A NEW LIFE
November 27, 2001. That was the day my divorce was finally settled. I was 20 pounds lighter (not by choice) and thoroughly exhausted - both mentally and physically. There was no more wondering what news my lawyer had for me or when I needed to produce another set of documents for review. No, it was as if a mountain was lifted off my shoulders and I could actually breathe again. More importantly, I gained a substantial increase in access to both of my children and the understanding that I would have equal access to them over the next few years. I was ecstatic.
Through my divorce, I learned a lot about who I was as a man. I learned that I loved my children and that I was willing to put others before myself for the first time in my life. I realized that my desire to be with my children stemmed from the pain I endured when my parents got divorced and my mom decided to "walk away" and not play a primary role in our lives. Consequently, I grew up confused and had many unanswered questions, and all of my relationships were affected moving forward. I struggled with trust issues and felt like there had to be something wrong with me for my mom to choose her life over mine. The pain I carried gave me the strength to never want my children to grow up and one day say, "Dad, why didn't you want us?" Those wounds were still deep, yet in retrospect they were a blessing. They enabled a very selfish and self-centered man to choose his children over himself. I may never agree with my mom's decision, yet I forgive her.
These last nine years have been incredibly rewarding, as well as challenging. Early on, I went through a trial-and-error period. I remember when I had my daughter and son over together for the first night (he was only around 1 year old); I felt an enormous sense of responsibility and wondered if I was up to the task. Up until that point, only my daughter had slept over, but now I had a 1- and a 3-year-old. I don't think I slept very well that night. But everything worked out, and over time, I grew into the role.
I was remarried in 2003 and my wife has taught me invaluable lessons about parenting. The greatest lesson she taught me was one of tough love. While we were dating in 2002, my old tendencies came back and I tried to get her to take over the role with the children. I remember her sitting me down and saying that my children need their dad and I needed to step up and be there for them. It was not that she didn't want to help, on the contrary, she is an amazing mother, but she instinctively knew that I needed to be fully present with my two young children. She was right. I'm grateful to this day for the lesson she taught me.
It has been 10 years since my life took the dramatic twist that enabled me to become a dad in the fullest sense of the word. I have been blessed beyond belief. And although I certainly can still be selfish at times, I sit here today a very humbled man. I recognize that everything I have is a gift. Did I earn it? Absolutely not. Am I grateful? Not as much as I should be. The truth is, until I was able to see clearly who I was and how I fell short, I was unable to look past myself.
Inevitably, we will all hit the wall someday - whether it is the death of a loved one, a divorce, a loss of career, or a loss of the fa�ade that we present to the world. Where do we go when we brake...? Is there really any other way? I am not God.
Rebel Magazine is on a mission to help men and become a catalyst for cultural change. To find more content from Rick Cabral and Rebel Magazine, please visit [http://www.rebelmagazine.com/]http://www.rebelmagazine.com/.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Divorce-to-Dad,-With-the-Loss-of-a-Family-Comes-the-Appreciation-for-What-I-Had&id=6303304] Divorce to Dad, With the Loss of a Family Comes the Appreciation for What I Had
Monday, February 6, 2012
Daddies, Are You Up to the Parenting Task?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Likha_Phil]Likha Phil
Daddies approach the parenting task differently from the moms. In some cases, they don't approach it at all.
I learn a lot about daddies as a teacher of young children. Teaching gives me the privilege to know different types of dads. There are cool dads, know-it-all dads, indulgent dads, single dads, absentee dads, gay dads. They come in all types. Some are so adorable while a few simply get into many teachers' nerves!
Once, during a family day in school, a daddy was struggling to pacify his toddler son who was throwing tantrums in the middle of the games. He grabbed the boy by the arm, spanked him and pulled him towards the mother yelling, "Tell your son to shut up!" I thought to myself, isn't the little boy his son as much his wife's? It will be a relief for his wife and a blessing to his family if he could help in the training of his own son and share in the burdens as well as the joys of parenting.
Just how much influence do daddies exert on the lives of their own children? As there are great daddies, there are daddies who miss the point of fatherhood. There are those who spend more time training their pet dogs than their children. There are those who spend more on car maintenance than on child maintenance. There are those who find more pleasure in hanging out with the boys than in personal bonding with their own children. I feel sorry for these daddies who have tame and well-behaved dogs but wild and confused children! They have cars with top-quality engines but children with worn-out shoes! They have great rapport with friends but a great wall of reserve between him and his children!
I have also met daddies who need lessons on kindly manners towards their wives and children. These helpless family members suffer more than they can know with their temper outbursts and boorish mentalities. Wives and children in any home have the right to courteous and fair treatment despite their wrongdoings. This is so sad. I know these dads love their wives and children, yet they continue to howl at them. The longer they learn to control their irritation and anger, the more they suffer great loss!
While I deal with young children, I know these little tots will not always remain young. Until they reach their early teens, they may still be more under the influence of their mothers. But soon, the companionship and influence of their daddies will prove to be a great power in their lives. Will their daddies be remembered more than just the men who paid the bills?
Daddies, remember that soon, your little boy or girl will date, leave home for college, find a job and marry. How do you think will your child feel when he introduces you to his date, his teachers, his bosses and his future spouse? Will he dread the day or will there be pride and pleasure in having a great dad to introduce to his social circle? Happy is the man whose children have no cause to be ashamed of him!
Perhaps, it is not yet time to look that far ahead but you may look to the chance that is before you now. Have you changed your baby's diapers, fed him, rocked him to sleep and read to him a bedtime story? Have you engaged him in horseplay or carried him on your shoulders so he can see a wider view of the world around him and experience it from the same perspective as yours? Children who experienced all these with their fathers have a greater reservoir of emotional strength in dealing with stress and frustrations in later life.
A dad may be his children's best friend or worst enemy. Many years from now, he will be proven a worthy or an unworthy father by a measure of his love, hard work and unselfishness. He will be attested as a man of fine character or the reverse. He will be praised or condemned for the brand of parenting he has shown. When the time is ripe, only his children can do these in all honesty.
So, daddies, are you up to the parenting task?
Read more on Likha Phil's parenting advice in [http://socyberty.com/advice/when-children-ask-about-sex/]When Children Ask About Sex and [http://socyberty.com/gay-lesbians/when-a-child-is-gay/]When A Child Is Gay.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Daddies,-Are-You-Up-to-the-Parenting-Task?&id=6308026] Daddies, Are You Up to the Parenting Task?
Daddies approach the parenting task differently from the moms. In some cases, they don't approach it at all.
I learn a lot about daddies as a teacher of young children. Teaching gives me the privilege to know different types of dads. There are cool dads, know-it-all dads, indulgent dads, single dads, absentee dads, gay dads. They come in all types. Some are so adorable while a few simply get into many teachers' nerves!
Once, during a family day in school, a daddy was struggling to pacify his toddler son who was throwing tantrums in the middle of the games. He grabbed the boy by the arm, spanked him and pulled him towards the mother yelling, "Tell your son to shut up!" I thought to myself, isn't the little boy his son as much his wife's? It will be a relief for his wife and a blessing to his family if he could help in the training of his own son and share in the burdens as well as the joys of parenting.
Just how much influence do daddies exert on the lives of their own children? As there are great daddies, there are daddies who miss the point of fatherhood. There are those who spend more time training their pet dogs than their children. There are those who spend more on car maintenance than on child maintenance. There are those who find more pleasure in hanging out with the boys than in personal bonding with their own children. I feel sorry for these daddies who have tame and well-behaved dogs but wild and confused children! They have cars with top-quality engines but children with worn-out shoes! They have great rapport with friends but a great wall of reserve between him and his children!
I have also met daddies who need lessons on kindly manners towards their wives and children. These helpless family members suffer more than they can know with their temper outbursts and boorish mentalities. Wives and children in any home have the right to courteous and fair treatment despite their wrongdoings. This is so sad. I know these dads love their wives and children, yet they continue to howl at them. The longer they learn to control their irritation and anger, the more they suffer great loss!
While I deal with young children, I know these little tots will not always remain young. Until they reach their early teens, they may still be more under the influence of their mothers. But soon, the companionship and influence of their daddies will prove to be a great power in their lives. Will their daddies be remembered more than just the men who paid the bills?
Daddies, remember that soon, your little boy or girl will date, leave home for college, find a job and marry. How do you think will your child feel when he introduces you to his date, his teachers, his bosses and his future spouse? Will he dread the day or will there be pride and pleasure in having a great dad to introduce to his social circle? Happy is the man whose children have no cause to be ashamed of him!
Perhaps, it is not yet time to look that far ahead but you may look to the chance that is before you now. Have you changed your baby's diapers, fed him, rocked him to sleep and read to him a bedtime story? Have you engaged him in horseplay or carried him on your shoulders so he can see a wider view of the world around him and experience it from the same perspective as yours? Children who experienced all these with their fathers have a greater reservoir of emotional strength in dealing with stress and frustrations in later life.
A dad may be his children's best friend or worst enemy. Many years from now, he will be proven a worthy or an unworthy father by a measure of his love, hard work and unselfishness. He will be attested as a man of fine character or the reverse. He will be praised or condemned for the brand of parenting he has shown. When the time is ripe, only his children can do these in all honesty.
So, daddies, are you up to the parenting task?
Read more on Likha Phil's parenting advice in [http://socyberty.com/advice/when-children-ask-about-sex/]When Children Ask About Sex and [http://socyberty.com/gay-lesbians/when-a-child-is-gay/]When A Child Is Gay.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Daddies,-Are-You-Up-to-the-Parenting-Task?&id=6308026] Daddies, Are You Up to the Parenting Task?
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Should You Give Flowers to Your Father on Father's Day?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=PG_Laurent]PG Laurent
The answer is: it depends, first on the desires of your heart and second on the level of your emotional intelligence.
This year, people will celebrate Father's Day on June 19, 2011. What does this day represent? It symbolizes the contribution that fathers make to the lives of their children and families. Father's Day does not receive the same emotional attention as do Mother's Day, because it considered a macho thing. Sometimes, it feels like as if this day passes unnoticed with a celebration just in words only.
Who is a father?
He can be your real father, grand father, great-grand-father, uncle, stepfather, father figure and some more. Fathers are people with a lot of love and sensitivity who deserve the same worldwide attention.
What roles do fathers play?
Fathers usually have a larger set of responsibility. For their children and families, some fathers may carry different other set of hats to maintain their household. For instance, they may perform many job functions that are not their vocation: such as hairdressing, plumbing, bike repairing or general repairing, teaching, cooking, gardening, driving, little league coaching, and many more. In general, they are usually heads of household, bread winners and providers. Finally, they are sometimes the ones who keep law and order in their household and are therefore the disciplinarian.
What should you give to your father on Father's Day?
In most culture, on Father's Day, most fathers would receive the usual ties, necktie, shirt, t-shirts, sweaters, jackets, handkerchief, pair of socks, pair of shoes, leather belts, sunglasses, work gloves, tools or tool boxes, cologne, electric shavers, books, e-books, Amazon Kindle 3G, iPhone, iPod, blackberry, exercise equipments, gym or country club membership, gift baskets, gift certificates and a number of similar items fit for a gentleman. Everything may be included with the exception of flowers.
Why are flowers not included as well?
Because most people do not look at the emotional side of Father's Day, they look more at the macho or masculine side of the fathers on that day.
As we already know that flowers are for all occasions. Flowers do bring beauty, joy, happiness to everyone and they can do the same for all celebrating fathers. What one cannot say in words, one may say them with flowers. In a resounding "Yes", fathers do deserve flowers on Father's Day to show love and appreciation for all they have done for their children and families.
PG Laurent is an avid international soccer fan. He writes about e-commerce, business, sport, health and wellness. His website is http://www.flowersforalloccasion.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Should-You-Give-Flowers-to-Your-Father-on-Fathers-Day?&id=6314305] Should You Give Flowers to Your Father on Father's Day?
The answer is: it depends, first on the desires of your heart and second on the level of your emotional intelligence.
This year, people will celebrate Father's Day on June 19, 2011. What does this day represent? It symbolizes the contribution that fathers make to the lives of their children and families. Father's Day does not receive the same emotional attention as do Mother's Day, because it considered a macho thing. Sometimes, it feels like as if this day passes unnoticed with a celebration just in words only.
Who is a father?
He can be your real father, grand father, great-grand-father, uncle, stepfather, father figure and some more. Fathers are people with a lot of love and sensitivity who deserve the same worldwide attention.
What roles do fathers play?
Fathers usually have a larger set of responsibility. For their children and families, some fathers may carry different other set of hats to maintain their household. For instance, they may perform many job functions that are not their vocation: such as hairdressing, plumbing, bike repairing or general repairing, teaching, cooking, gardening, driving, little league coaching, and many more. In general, they are usually heads of household, bread winners and providers. Finally, they are sometimes the ones who keep law and order in their household and are therefore the disciplinarian.
What should you give to your father on Father's Day?
In most culture, on Father's Day, most fathers would receive the usual ties, necktie, shirt, t-shirts, sweaters, jackets, handkerchief, pair of socks, pair of shoes, leather belts, sunglasses, work gloves, tools or tool boxes, cologne, electric shavers, books, e-books, Amazon Kindle 3G, iPhone, iPod, blackberry, exercise equipments, gym or country club membership, gift baskets, gift certificates and a number of similar items fit for a gentleman. Everything may be included with the exception of flowers.
Why are flowers not included as well?
Because most people do not look at the emotional side of Father's Day, they look more at the macho or masculine side of the fathers on that day.
As we already know that flowers are for all occasions. Flowers do bring beauty, joy, happiness to everyone and they can do the same for all celebrating fathers. What one cannot say in words, one may say them with flowers. In a resounding "Yes", fathers do deserve flowers on Father's Day to show love and appreciation for all they have done for their children and families.
PG Laurent is an avid international soccer fan. He writes about e-commerce, business, sport, health and wellness. His website is http://www.flowersforalloccasion.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Should-You-Give-Flowers-to-Your-Father-on-Fathers-Day?&id=6314305] Should You Give Flowers to Your Father on Father's Day?
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Guilt and the Divorced Father
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Susan_Leigh]Susan Leigh
Many men feel extremely guilty after their divorce. There is often guilt at the upheaval caused to the family, the home, the children and the finances. Men usually take their responsibility as provider and protector of the family seriously. They appreciate that the trauma of a divorce is distressing and disruptive to everyone involved.
Building a new relationship with the children can be difficult at first. Some fathers find themselves cast in the role of bad guy as they are often the ones to leave the family home, leaving the children with their mother. Children may feel bitter, hurt and confused at what they see as being abandoned by their father. Many men don't want to turn their children against their mother, but it can be very hurtful at first as children often see things in a black or white way and only appreciate the subtleties of the bigger picture as they get older.
The financial implications of a divorce are often the biggest practical concern. Trying to fund two household where before there was only one is a major financial burden to shoulder. Many men struggle to set up a new home for themselves, sometimes choosing to live with family or friends for a time until they find their feet.
Father paying the household bills often goes unseen by the children. Many men feel unappreciated at the largely unnoticed effort they make in trying to keep their children's lives as normal as possible. They often feel that the mother has the benefit of seeing the children regularly with her normal life resumed often quite quickly.
The desire to maintain a presence in their children's lives in often a driving force to many men. They want to see their children but have to earn money, maybe work longer hours, set up a new home perhaps some distance away, plus juggle with pre-arranged access visits in order to see their children.
Time can become a difficult issue. Within the family a busy father can be a more fluid presence in his children's lives. He can drift in an out as his business hours allow, perhaps seeing them briefly in the mornings or for a few minutes before they go to bed. After a divorce, when specific access times have been agreed, seeing the children becomes a more contrived and formal arrangement. It often feels unnatural.
Entertaining children can be a dilemma. Many men want the time spent with their children to be special, but struggle as to what to do with them as the weeks pass by. There is often the desire that their time with the children should be memorable but many children are happier just spending time with Dad, kicking a football, talking, doing things together. Sometimes having a joint project can be a good idea. Maybe starting a gardening project or building something together can enable the children to feel an integral part of his life. An ongoing project establishes continuity.
If their father starts to build a new life with someone else the additional pressure can be difficult to manage. His own children may feel jealous, aggrieved and hostile towards his new partner, especially if she brings her children into the home. Setting aside time for his own children to feel loved, reassured and important can make a difference but patience and perseverance until the new dynamic is established can take time.
Patience is the most important part of a father maintaining a relationship with his children after a divorce. Children need to understand that they were in no way responsible for the breakdown of the relationship, that they are loved by both parents and that their father wants to continue being an important part of their lives. Ideally both parents present a united front to the children at this conversation, but if that cannot happen the divorced father needs to persevere and trust that their relationship will win through eventually.
Many men struggle to come to terms with the situation after their divorce. Often all that they value has been completely torn apart. Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with divorced and divorcing men as well as within families to improve their communications and heal confidence and self-esteem. She helps with moving forward as positively as possible.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Guilt-and-the-Divorced-Father&id=6228706] Guilt and the Divorced Father
Many men feel extremely guilty after their divorce. There is often guilt at the upheaval caused to the family, the home, the children and the finances. Men usually take their responsibility as provider and protector of the family seriously. They appreciate that the trauma of a divorce is distressing and disruptive to everyone involved.
Building a new relationship with the children can be difficult at first. Some fathers find themselves cast in the role of bad guy as they are often the ones to leave the family home, leaving the children with their mother. Children may feel bitter, hurt and confused at what they see as being abandoned by their father. Many men don't want to turn their children against their mother, but it can be very hurtful at first as children often see things in a black or white way and only appreciate the subtleties of the bigger picture as they get older.
The financial implications of a divorce are often the biggest practical concern. Trying to fund two household where before there was only one is a major financial burden to shoulder. Many men struggle to set up a new home for themselves, sometimes choosing to live with family or friends for a time until they find their feet.
Father paying the household bills often goes unseen by the children. Many men feel unappreciated at the largely unnoticed effort they make in trying to keep their children's lives as normal as possible. They often feel that the mother has the benefit of seeing the children regularly with her normal life resumed often quite quickly.
The desire to maintain a presence in their children's lives in often a driving force to many men. They want to see their children but have to earn money, maybe work longer hours, set up a new home perhaps some distance away, plus juggle with pre-arranged access visits in order to see their children.
Time can become a difficult issue. Within the family a busy father can be a more fluid presence in his children's lives. He can drift in an out as his business hours allow, perhaps seeing them briefly in the mornings or for a few minutes before they go to bed. After a divorce, when specific access times have been agreed, seeing the children becomes a more contrived and formal arrangement. It often feels unnatural.
Entertaining children can be a dilemma. Many men want the time spent with their children to be special, but struggle as to what to do with them as the weeks pass by. There is often the desire that their time with the children should be memorable but many children are happier just spending time with Dad, kicking a football, talking, doing things together. Sometimes having a joint project can be a good idea. Maybe starting a gardening project or building something together can enable the children to feel an integral part of his life. An ongoing project establishes continuity.
If their father starts to build a new life with someone else the additional pressure can be difficult to manage. His own children may feel jealous, aggrieved and hostile towards his new partner, especially if she brings her children into the home. Setting aside time for his own children to feel loved, reassured and important can make a difference but patience and perseverance until the new dynamic is established can take time.
Patience is the most important part of a father maintaining a relationship with his children after a divorce. Children need to understand that they were in no way responsible for the breakdown of the relationship, that they are loved by both parents and that their father wants to continue being an important part of their lives. Ideally both parents present a united front to the children at this conversation, but if that cannot happen the divorced father needs to persevere and trust that their relationship will win through eventually.
Many men struggle to come to terms with the situation after their divorce. Often all that they value has been completely torn apart. Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with divorced and divorcing men as well as within families to improve their communications and heal confidence and self-esteem. She helps with moving forward as positively as possible.
Further help, advice and articles are available.
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Guilt-and-the-Divorced-Father&id=6228706] Guilt and the Divorced Father
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Father's Day After Loss
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lyndsay_Katauskas]Lyndsay Katauskas
How are you going to get through your first, or yet another Father's Day without feeling raw, abandoned, or left behind? After my father died while I was a child, it took years before I could pass through a Father's Day and not feel sad and confused as I was left with all of the questions I never had a chance to ask as I grew up. As we grieve the loss of a father, sometimes it is easier to go through the process if we know what to expect as our heart heals. Understanding the grief process helps us to feel in control over something we have very little control over.
When we first lose our father, we often find ourselves making decisions and choices that sound reasonable but are quite counterproductive to our overall healing. Even though it may temporarily give us relief, in the long run it does not nurture us or complete our healing. For some people after their father dies they thrive again by themselves, but most of us are not that lucky or successful at dealing with the loss of love from a father. Sometimes we spiral down to the depths of despair (which is somewhere we all go to some extent or another), but then have trouble climbing back out. And to various degrees, you may re-experience the loss over and over again or continue to suffer your loss until you learn new ways to cope.
Some people who appear to have let go of their loss really haven't, because what they've done is closed the door to their hearts. To avoid feeling any more pain they move on too quickly, and in doing so they've numbed their ability to fully feel. Without realizing they are doing this they carry on in their lives unable to feel the love in their hearts, and consequently their ability to grow in love and happiness is stunted.
The good news is that building resiliency is an on-going process. How long it takes to move through your father's loss depends wholly upon you. While we'll talk about the three stages of grief here, the length of time it takes for you to go through each of the stages depends on you and your resiliency or ability to bounce back. I like explaining the grief process using Dr. John Gray's three stages found in his book, Mars and Venus Starting Over.
The first stage of healing is going to someone who can help. If family dynamics do not permit you to grieve openly or talk amongst yourselves, then you may need outside help. The advice of friends while well-intentioned may leave you feeling worse off if you're not able to complete the second stage in a way that is best for you.
The second stage of healing is grieving the loss. We do this by grieving our father's loss, and then finding forgiveness. Our survival tendency is to avoid our pain. A man can get in touch with his feeling when he is in the presence of others who are also in pain. Numbing ourselves does not heal pain. The tragedy of doing this is you close shop and decide to never love again. Whether you are a child still growing up, a young adult that has not found their significant other, or an adult in a current relationship-if you numb yourself, then you stop growing in the area of love and relationships. Human beings are not meant to live their lives alone by themselves.
The third stage of healing is becoming whole. In this stage we work on becoming whole, because this will protect us from getting hurt again. If you are in a romantic relationship while you are processing your father's death you have to be aware that you may transfer feelings to this partner, but you are really dealing with moving through your feelings you had for your father. If you find yourself doing this-this is where outside help can help you look objectively at how you are thinking, feeling, and behaving to the loved ones still in your life. By focusing on feeling the four healing emotions of:
� Anger
� Sadness
� Fear
� Sorrow
Then you will know that you really love somebody and have moved on when you do not hold them accountable or responsible for your pain anymore. A victim's belief is, "I can't feel better unless you change." If you did not have a chance to work through any issues you had with your father while he was still alive, you can still process the feelings and obtain the love you need so you can move on.
Sometimes just getting in touch with our feelings doesn't complete the healing process-so while we feel our pain, we aren't able to find relief. If this is the case, then an important part of the process may have been overlooked, and it is either limiting or blocking our natural ability to heal. A solution-focused way to work through this last stage of grief is to write Feeling Letter's each time these emotions come up. My next article will go over how to write a feeling letter to your father. And in doing so you can move yourself quickly through these feelings of loss so you become at peace with your loss and can remember your father with love.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Fathers-Day-After-Loss&id=6317825] Father's Day After Loss
How are you going to get through your first, or yet another Father's Day without feeling raw, abandoned, or left behind? After my father died while I was a child, it took years before I could pass through a Father's Day and not feel sad and confused as I was left with all of the questions I never had a chance to ask as I grew up. As we grieve the loss of a father, sometimes it is easier to go through the process if we know what to expect as our heart heals. Understanding the grief process helps us to feel in control over something we have very little control over.
When we first lose our father, we often find ourselves making decisions and choices that sound reasonable but are quite counterproductive to our overall healing. Even though it may temporarily give us relief, in the long run it does not nurture us or complete our healing. For some people after their father dies they thrive again by themselves, but most of us are not that lucky or successful at dealing with the loss of love from a father. Sometimes we spiral down to the depths of despair (which is somewhere we all go to some extent or another), but then have trouble climbing back out. And to various degrees, you may re-experience the loss over and over again or continue to suffer your loss until you learn new ways to cope.
Some people who appear to have let go of their loss really haven't, because what they've done is closed the door to their hearts. To avoid feeling any more pain they move on too quickly, and in doing so they've numbed their ability to fully feel. Without realizing they are doing this they carry on in their lives unable to feel the love in their hearts, and consequently their ability to grow in love and happiness is stunted.
The good news is that building resiliency is an on-going process. How long it takes to move through your father's loss depends wholly upon you. While we'll talk about the three stages of grief here, the length of time it takes for you to go through each of the stages depends on you and your resiliency or ability to bounce back. I like explaining the grief process using Dr. John Gray's three stages found in his book, Mars and Venus Starting Over.
The first stage of healing is going to someone who can help. If family dynamics do not permit you to grieve openly or talk amongst yourselves, then you may need outside help. The advice of friends while well-intentioned may leave you feeling worse off if you're not able to complete the second stage in a way that is best for you.
The second stage of healing is grieving the loss. We do this by grieving our father's loss, and then finding forgiveness. Our survival tendency is to avoid our pain. A man can get in touch with his feeling when he is in the presence of others who are also in pain. Numbing ourselves does not heal pain. The tragedy of doing this is you close shop and decide to never love again. Whether you are a child still growing up, a young adult that has not found their significant other, or an adult in a current relationship-if you numb yourself, then you stop growing in the area of love and relationships. Human beings are not meant to live their lives alone by themselves.
The third stage of healing is becoming whole. In this stage we work on becoming whole, because this will protect us from getting hurt again. If you are in a romantic relationship while you are processing your father's death you have to be aware that you may transfer feelings to this partner, but you are really dealing with moving through your feelings you had for your father. If you find yourself doing this-this is where outside help can help you look objectively at how you are thinking, feeling, and behaving to the loved ones still in your life. By focusing on feeling the four healing emotions of:
� Anger
� Sadness
� Fear
� Sorrow
Then you will know that you really love somebody and have moved on when you do not hold them accountable or responsible for your pain anymore. A victim's belief is, "I can't feel better unless you change." If you did not have a chance to work through any issues you had with your father while he was still alive, you can still process the feelings and obtain the love you need so you can move on.
Sometimes just getting in touch with our feelings doesn't complete the healing process-so while we feel our pain, we aren't able to find relief. If this is the case, then an important part of the process may have been overlooked, and it is either limiting or blocking our natural ability to heal. A solution-focused way to work through this last stage of grief is to write Feeling Letter's each time these emotions come up. My next article will go over how to write a feeling letter to your father. And in doing so you can move yourself quickly through these feelings of loss so you become at peace with your loss and can remember your father with love.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Fathers-Day-After-Loss&id=6317825] Father's Day After Loss
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Dad Is Gone, But I Still Have Feelings
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lyndsay_Katauskas]Lyndsay Katauskas
This article addresses writing a feeling letter to your father who has passed away in response to my last article about getting through Father's Day after Loss. Losing a parent whether it is due to natural or extenuating circumstances is painless, right? Wrong. When we lose a part of ourselves, we not only lose the parent who brought us into the world, we also lose history and memories that we can never get back. A huge gaping hole is more like it. And whether we had a doting father or a detached father, losing them still hurts. A loss could also mean being cut off from your father in such a way that to bring up these feelings of grief would open up wounds that won't heal. If that's the case, then you can also write a Feeling Letter. In fact, whenever you do the Feeling Letter exercise, you don't have to send it to the intended person.
Why? The Feeling Letter is an exercise intended to help you sort through your emotions so that you first identify what they are, feel the emotions (instead of repressing them), and then move on. Often we are afraid that if we allow ourselves to feel, then we might get stuck in the feelings. The Feeling Letter is a process that helps you move through the emotion and get safely ashore on the other side. Then you are able to move on and start over loving again. After you've sought outside help, allowed yourself time to grieve, the last step in the stages of grief is to become fully whole again.
To bring closure you need to gain understanding, to give yourself the love you need that you may not have received from your father in life. When you do this exercise you are flexing your emotional muscles. It may feel painful at first, but muscles have to tear a little, before they grow even bigger and stronger. This is also what we need to do to grow and mature from the relationships we lose. Our society often does not give us the time or space to process our feelings, this exercise does.
Dr. John Gray encourages people to use Feeling Letters to move through emotions for many things. He explains more about grief and finding closure in relationships in Mars and Venus Starting Over. Doing the Feeling Letter near Father's Day may also help you remember and bring peace about your father passing away instead of the raw, fresh feelings you may currently feel. Before you start this exercise make sure you are in a quiet, comfortable place where you feel safe. Give yourself at least thirty minutes to complete all three letters, and make sure there will be no distractions. You may also want to listen to relaxing music in the background, and have some tissues on hand.
The Feeling Letter
Dear (Your Dad),
I am writing you this letter to share my feelings with you.
LEVEL 1: Anger
I don't like...
I resent...
I feel frustrated...
I feel angry...
I feel furious...
LEVEL 2: Sadness
It hurts...
I feel disappointed...
I feel sad...
I feel unhappy...
I wish...
LEVEL 3: Fear
It is painful...
I feel worried...
I feel afraid...
I feel scared...
I need...
LEVEL 4: Remorse and Apologies
I feel embarrassed...
I am sorry...
I feel ashamed...
I am willing...
LEVEL 5: Love, Understanding, Gratitude and Forgiveness
I want...
I appreciate...
I forgive...
Thank you...
I would like...
I trust...
Love, (Your Name)
Part 2
The Response Letter
In part two of the letter process, you are writing a letter to yourself. Pretend that you are your dad and write the response you would want to hear. Say whatever makes you feel heard and nurtured.
Dear (Your name),
Thank you for...
I understand...
I am sorry...
You deserve...
I want...
I love...
Love, (Your Dad)
Part 3
The completion Letter
In the third part of this exercise you deal with expressing your positive feelings towards the person you have just written the feeling letter to-your dad. After writing the response that would make you feel most supported, then it is important to express and affirm your positive feelings of forgiveness, understanding, gratitude, and trust. It also helps to express how being loved like this makes you feel.
Some people find the forgiveness section of the Feeling Letter extremely difficult, because they think they don't want to forgive their dad. When you forgive your dad, it is not for him, it is for YOU. He will not even know if you have forgiven him. When you forgive someone it does NOT mean their actions are forgotten or acceptable. What it means is you are letting go so YOU can move forward, and not have this continue to affect your life. Otherwise you will continue to carry the hurt, and this does not do you any good. And, often the person involved doesn't know you're hurting. By forgiving them-they won't know that either, but you will.
Dear (Your Dad),
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
Thank you for...
I'm sorry that...
I love you...
Love, (Your Name)
If you find closure from this exercise, then you can also use it for any other situations that are unresolved in your life as well. If the grief is deep, then you may have to do the exercise a few times until the pain dissipates.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Dad-Is-Gone,-But-I-Still-Have-Feelings&id=6324203] Dad Is Gone, But I Still Have Feelings
This article addresses writing a feeling letter to your father who has passed away in response to my last article about getting through Father's Day after Loss. Losing a parent whether it is due to natural or extenuating circumstances is painless, right? Wrong. When we lose a part of ourselves, we not only lose the parent who brought us into the world, we also lose history and memories that we can never get back. A huge gaping hole is more like it. And whether we had a doting father or a detached father, losing them still hurts. A loss could also mean being cut off from your father in such a way that to bring up these feelings of grief would open up wounds that won't heal. If that's the case, then you can also write a Feeling Letter. In fact, whenever you do the Feeling Letter exercise, you don't have to send it to the intended person.
Why? The Feeling Letter is an exercise intended to help you sort through your emotions so that you first identify what they are, feel the emotions (instead of repressing them), and then move on. Often we are afraid that if we allow ourselves to feel, then we might get stuck in the feelings. The Feeling Letter is a process that helps you move through the emotion and get safely ashore on the other side. Then you are able to move on and start over loving again. After you've sought outside help, allowed yourself time to grieve, the last step in the stages of grief is to become fully whole again.
To bring closure you need to gain understanding, to give yourself the love you need that you may not have received from your father in life. When you do this exercise you are flexing your emotional muscles. It may feel painful at first, but muscles have to tear a little, before they grow even bigger and stronger. This is also what we need to do to grow and mature from the relationships we lose. Our society often does not give us the time or space to process our feelings, this exercise does.
Dr. John Gray encourages people to use Feeling Letters to move through emotions for many things. He explains more about grief and finding closure in relationships in Mars and Venus Starting Over. Doing the Feeling Letter near Father's Day may also help you remember and bring peace about your father passing away instead of the raw, fresh feelings you may currently feel. Before you start this exercise make sure you are in a quiet, comfortable place where you feel safe. Give yourself at least thirty minutes to complete all three letters, and make sure there will be no distractions. You may also want to listen to relaxing music in the background, and have some tissues on hand.
The Feeling Letter
Dear (Your Dad),
I am writing you this letter to share my feelings with you.
LEVEL 1: Anger
I don't like...
I resent...
I feel frustrated...
I feel angry...
I feel furious...
LEVEL 2: Sadness
It hurts...
I feel disappointed...
I feel sad...
I feel unhappy...
I wish...
LEVEL 3: Fear
It is painful...
I feel worried...
I feel afraid...
I feel scared...
I need...
LEVEL 4: Remorse and Apologies
I feel embarrassed...
I am sorry...
I feel ashamed...
I am willing...
LEVEL 5: Love, Understanding, Gratitude and Forgiveness
I want...
I appreciate...
I forgive...
Thank you...
I would like...
I trust...
Love, (Your Name)
Part 2
The Response Letter
In part two of the letter process, you are writing a letter to yourself. Pretend that you are your dad and write the response you would want to hear. Say whatever makes you feel heard and nurtured.
Dear (Your name),
Thank you for...
I understand...
I am sorry...
You deserve...
I want...
I love...
Love, (Your Dad)
Part 3
The completion Letter
In the third part of this exercise you deal with expressing your positive feelings towards the person you have just written the feeling letter to-your dad. After writing the response that would make you feel most supported, then it is important to express and affirm your positive feelings of forgiveness, understanding, gratitude, and trust. It also helps to express how being loved like this makes you feel.
Some people find the forgiveness section of the Feeling Letter extremely difficult, because they think they don't want to forgive their dad. When you forgive your dad, it is not for him, it is for YOU. He will not even know if you have forgiven him. When you forgive someone it does NOT mean their actions are forgotten or acceptable. What it means is you are letting go so YOU can move forward, and not have this continue to affect your life. Otherwise you will continue to carry the hurt, and this does not do you any good. And, often the person involved doesn't know you're hurting. By forgiving them-they won't know that either, but you will.
Dear (Your Dad),
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
Thank you for...
I'm sorry that...
I love you...
Love, (Your Name)
If you find closure from this exercise, then you can also use it for any other situations that are unresolved in your life as well. If the grief is deep, then you may have to do the exercise a few times until the pain dissipates.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Dad-Is-Gone,-But-I-Still-Have-Feelings&id=6324203] Dad Is Gone, But I Still Have Feelings
Friday, January 27, 2012
A Tribute To Father's (Intended to Be Read at Church on Father's Day)
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Norman_Lawrence]Norman Lawrence
On this Father's Day we offer these words of tribute to Father's, and since the backdrop of this tribute is in the Church, it will be with Godly Fatherhood as the focus of our attention this morning.
For the young son, Dad stands for all he wants to be in life "when he grows up". He watches with eyes and ears that record how Dad lives, whether it be in the home, on the job, or in their time of recreation as a family. This recording takes place on a daily basis in his life, as one day he will push "play", and become a Dad himself.
For the young daughter, Dad is her knight in shining armor with the responsibility to protect her, yet tender enough to shower her with his unconditional love when she needs to know he's there. For her, Dad remains "Daddy" through the turbulent years of teenage trials, then with a falling tear and trembling lips she kisses "Daddy" on the cheek at her wedding in hopes she is marrying someone who will love and protect her "just like Daddy did".
Some Dads have become the leaders of their family without a Godly example in their home as they grew up, yet have determined in their own hearts to start a legacy of love so their own children will have a good example to follow. Like Joshua of old challenged the people in Joshua 24:15b, he states these words, then does all he can to live up to the commitment: "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
The Godly Father recognizes his own shortcomings and failures from time to time as he shepherds his family, and will be humble enough to draw upon the strength of his Heavenly Father for help and guidance. 2 Corinthians 12:9a "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." The Godly Father is not ashamed to admit to times of weakness and insufficiency, and yes, even shed a tear or two at times as he faces the challenges of life and leadership of his family. He looks forward to looking up to God and confessing his need to the one who is all-sufficient and all-knowing.
We applaud you Dad, as you sacrifice for your family in so many ways, yet also encourage you to give your most valuable asset to your Children as much as possible which is of course, your time. Those special times of playing catch in the back yard may provide some wear and tear for the lawn, yet will grow a great relationship. Those early mornings of fishing together may not yield much for the dinner table, but the conversations while fishing will be quite a catch for both Dad and Child. Taking time for a "date you're your daughter" will provide her an example of what to look for in manners and actions when she begins to date.
There is a statement that says "time is of the essence", and this is indeed the case when Dads and Kids interact.
Thank you for working, planning, caring, disciplining, teaching, and yes, learning about being the best Dad you can possibly be. In a world that says "can't", thanks for saying "can too!"
Most of all, thanks for being "Dad" and trusting your Heavenly Father to guide you in the journey.
Provided by - rel=nofollow http://www.churchletters.net
(Source does not need to be noted if placing in bulletin or handing out to Fathers in your Congregation)
Happy Father's Day!
Written by
Norm Lawrence of http://www.churchletters.net
Visit the site for over 40 Categories and hundreds of Church Letters written by a Pastor FOR Church and Ministry Leaders.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Tribute-To-Fathers-(Intended-to-Be-Read-at-Church-on-Fathers-Day)&id=6329850] A Tribute To Father's (Intended to Be Read at Church on Father's Day)
On this Father's Day we offer these words of tribute to Father's, and since the backdrop of this tribute is in the Church, it will be with Godly Fatherhood as the focus of our attention this morning.
For the young son, Dad stands for all he wants to be in life "when he grows up". He watches with eyes and ears that record how Dad lives, whether it be in the home, on the job, or in their time of recreation as a family. This recording takes place on a daily basis in his life, as one day he will push "play", and become a Dad himself.
For the young daughter, Dad is her knight in shining armor with the responsibility to protect her, yet tender enough to shower her with his unconditional love when she needs to know he's there. For her, Dad remains "Daddy" through the turbulent years of teenage trials, then with a falling tear and trembling lips she kisses "Daddy" on the cheek at her wedding in hopes she is marrying someone who will love and protect her "just like Daddy did".
Some Dads have become the leaders of their family without a Godly example in their home as they grew up, yet have determined in their own hearts to start a legacy of love so their own children will have a good example to follow. Like Joshua of old challenged the people in Joshua 24:15b, he states these words, then does all he can to live up to the commitment: "But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."
The Godly Father recognizes his own shortcomings and failures from time to time as he shepherds his family, and will be humble enough to draw upon the strength of his Heavenly Father for help and guidance. 2 Corinthians 12:9a "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." The Godly Father is not ashamed to admit to times of weakness and insufficiency, and yes, even shed a tear or two at times as he faces the challenges of life and leadership of his family. He looks forward to looking up to God and confessing his need to the one who is all-sufficient and all-knowing.
We applaud you Dad, as you sacrifice for your family in so many ways, yet also encourage you to give your most valuable asset to your Children as much as possible which is of course, your time. Those special times of playing catch in the back yard may provide some wear and tear for the lawn, yet will grow a great relationship. Those early mornings of fishing together may not yield much for the dinner table, but the conversations while fishing will be quite a catch for both Dad and Child. Taking time for a "date you're your daughter" will provide her an example of what to look for in manners and actions when she begins to date.
There is a statement that says "time is of the essence", and this is indeed the case when Dads and Kids interact.
Thank you for working, planning, caring, disciplining, teaching, and yes, learning about being the best Dad you can possibly be. In a world that says "can't", thanks for saying "can too!"
Most of all, thanks for being "Dad" and trusting your Heavenly Father to guide you in the journey.
Provided by - rel=nofollow http://www.churchletters.net
(Source does not need to be noted if placing in bulletin or handing out to Fathers in your Congregation)
Happy Father's Day!
Written by
Norm Lawrence of http://www.churchletters.net
Visit the site for over 40 Categories and hundreds of Church Letters written by a Pastor FOR Church and Ministry Leaders.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Tribute-To-Fathers-(Intended-to-Be-Read-at-Church-on-Fathers-Day)&id=6329850] A Tribute To Father's (Intended to Be Read at Church on Father's Day)
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Everyday Is Father's Day!
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Murphy_Isaac]Murphy Isaac
The estimated date was communicated to you...
Your anticipation turns to anxieties. You have prepared yourself mentally, emotionally, financially for this day and now ironically you can't wait for this moment to end, or is it the beginning, a new chapter of your life?
Every growing moment you are being updated by the professionals around you, they give you an update before leaving the room... yet again. You constantly wonder when is the exact hour? Would you cry with joy you wonder or get a fright of your life at the scene?
Hours passed and all you can do is to wait patiently and what is driving you to carry on is her expression on her face and the superhuman mental capacity she possessed lying on the bed. Now, whatever the excruciating uneasiness you may have, you just cannot show it, you just can't let her down but to be strong for her all the way. That however, in turn gives you enormous stamina to carry on.
You remembered the day when the news was make known to you. Both of you were in the state of ecstasy. You shared it with your all loves ones and they were overjoyed for you.
Your recollection was interrupted; you were told the hour has arrived. Your wife's heartbeat rinsed unexpectedly, her inhalation increased and your gut feeling is telling you, this is the moment of truth! You pressed the red "panic button"!
In that short span of time, you had never seen anything like that in your life before. All you can do is to let her squeezed your hands as tight as she wants because you know the discomfort cannot be compare to what she is going through!
In the frenzy, you heart almost stopped beating when you heard for the first time the most angelic cries... This is a miracle from God!
All you have waited is finally over, at last you saw your daughter for the first time, not behind a high tech resolution screen but in your bare hands where the paternal bond is something indescribable! She is exactly how you have imagined all this months, tiny, soft and fragile but deep down possesses an unbreakable spirit to survive 40 weeks months in my wife's womb.
In my perspective, Father's Day does not fall specifically on third Sunday of June anymore; everyday is Father's Day! Fatherhood has been wonderful and it does not get any better than this!
Murphy Isaac is a father of 2 and is passionate in Parenting. To get more free tips and advice on Parenting on [http://lovefatherhood.com]click here to subscribe to my free newsletter (worth US$197) Or visit my website @ [http://lovefatherhood.com]www.lovefatherhood.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Everyday-Is-Fathers-Day!&id=6304355] Everyday Is Father's Day!
The estimated date was communicated to you...
Your anticipation turns to anxieties. You have prepared yourself mentally, emotionally, financially for this day and now ironically you can't wait for this moment to end, or is it the beginning, a new chapter of your life?
Every growing moment you are being updated by the professionals around you, they give you an update before leaving the room... yet again. You constantly wonder when is the exact hour? Would you cry with joy you wonder or get a fright of your life at the scene?
Hours passed and all you can do is to wait patiently and what is driving you to carry on is her expression on her face and the superhuman mental capacity she possessed lying on the bed. Now, whatever the excruciating uneasiness you may have, you just cannot show it, you just can't let her down but to be strong for her all the way. That however, in turn gives you enormous stamina to carry on.
You remembered the day when the news was make known to you. Both of you were in the state of ecstasy. You shared it with your all loves ones and they were overjoyed for you.
Your recollection was interrupted; you were told the hour has arrived. Your wife's heartbeat rinsed unexpectedly, her inhalation increased and your gut feeling is telling you, this is the moment of truth! You pressed the red "panic button"!
In that short span of time, you had never seen anything like that in your life before. All you can do is to let her squeezed your hands as tight as she wants because you know the discomfort cannot be compare to what she is going through!
In the frenzy, you heart almost stopped beating when you heard for the first time the most angelic cries... This is a miracle from God!
All you have waited is finally over, at last you saw your daughter for the first time, not behind a high tech resolution screen but in your bare hands where the paternal bond is something indescribable! She is exactly how you have imagined all this months, tiny, soft and fragile but deep down possesses an unbreakable spirit to survive 40 weeks months in my wife's womb.
In my perspective, Father's Day does not fall specifically on third Sunday of June anymore; everyday is Father's Day! Fatherhood has been wonderful and it does not get any better than this!
Murphy Isaac is a father of 2 and is passionate in Parenting. To get more free tips and advice on Parenting on [http://lovefatherhood.com]click here to subscribe to my free newsletter (worth US$197) Or visit my website @ [http://lovefatherhood.com]www.lovefatherhood.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Everyday-Is-Fathers-Day!&id=6304355] Everyday Is Father's Day!
Monday, January 23, 2012
Positive Ways To Make Defiant Children Listen to You
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Murphy_Isaac]Murphy Isaac
In today's parenting, you don't need to teach a child to be defiant. Many studies had been conducted and psychologists found out that misbehave children feel the need to be in control.
As a parent, you may ask yourself is this too much for you to handle? It is clearly a power struggle of a different kind. Stress is a constant contributing factor to their actions and both sensitive and defiant children are not spare.
For them to seek security they will rebel against you to seek attention and sometimes it makes you feel you are not in charge anymore. At times, your child may display a feeling of solitude and at such moments, seize the opportunity to share with her that you really love her very much even you do not condone her actions.
These are some of the mis-behaviors that you are likely to have experienced and still finding them challenging.
� Throwing temper
� Bitterness
� Revengeful
� Annoy easily by others
� Always feeling angry easily
� Disobeying rules
When it the time of year for the teacher to meet the parents' session, somehow you are not surprise of the feedback that the childcare provider or the school have for your child, you have heard it before many times.
Now you begin to question, when and how your child is going to improve? Your mind begins racing to find solutions!
Are you going to remove your child her favorite candy for a period of time as a means of discipline? And hopefully expect a good behavior from your method? Well, this technique might be effective for once or twice but it may not be a foolproof solution to your problem.
Let me give you a suggestion, rather than depriving her from her favorite candy for the few days, introduce a "time out" approach. Your child will be actively deciding on her behavior. No fretting and no fuss from you, it is non-invasive, non-confrontation and is one of the many best means of discipline.
With this approach, you are sending a very clear message that mummy or daddy is not accepting such behaviors from her and in no time she will learn to comprehend this. All the while, be clear with your body language and after the "time out" period is over, share with her that you are still very much love by mummy and daddy!
Other useful methods is effective communication, instead of reprimanding your child with a negative feedback; give an affirmative one to reinforce constructive and encouraging possessiveness in her.
Here are two examples, do not say things like, "do not yell at your brother," instead articulate this, "please speak softly to your brother." Or "don't be rude to your grandpa," instead it becomes, "please be obedient to your grandpa." And after some time, your child had corrected herself; do not hesitate to make known to her that you were proud of her obedience and use words like "thank you for your effort." This will also encourage her to use such words in the future.
Try to look out for good behaviors and make it a point to praise her for her attempt. Complimenting her for the job well done goes a long way to reinforce self-esteem and confidence in your child. Just remember to be generous with your praises and minimize criticism. Genuine tender loving care is great encouragement.
At times, you may feel weighed down from the constant testing of your child. Just take heart, and bear in mind you are not alone in this world, parents do go through this phase of parenting, it is a worldwide phenomena. Also, your child really needs you to lead her in this chapter of character building.
Do seek assistance from professionals and self help books if you really need to. Last but not least, forming a parent group support is another great way for you to share experiences and keep your sanity.
Murphy Isaac is a father of 2 and is passionate with Parenting. To get more free tips and advice on Parenting on [http://lovefatherhood.com]click here to subscribe to my free newsletter (worth US$197) Or visit my website @ [http://lovefatherhood.com]www.lovefatherhood.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Positive-Ways-To-Make-Defiant-Children-Listen-to-You&id=6304310] Positive Ways To Make Defiant Children Listen to You
In today's parenting, you don't need to teach a child to be defiant. Many studies had been conducted and psychologists found out that misbehave children feel the need to be in control.
As a parent, you may ask yourself is this too much for you to handle? It is clearly a power struggle of a different kind. Stress is a constant contributing factor to their actions and both sensitive and defiant children are not spare.
For them to seek security they will rebel against you to seek attention and sometimes it makes you feel you are not in charge anymore. At times, your child may display a feeling of solitude and at such moments, seize the opportunity to share with her that you really love her very much even you do not condone her actions.
These are some of the mis-behaviors that you are likely to have experienced and still finding them challenging.
� Throwing temper
� Bitterness
� Revengeful
� Annoy easily by others
� Always feeling angry easily
� Disobeying rules
When it the time of year for the teacher to meet the parents' session, somehow you are not surprise of the feedback that the childcare provider or the school have for your child, you have heard it before many times.
Now you begin to question, when and how your child is going to improve? Your mind begins racing to find solutions!
Are you going to remove your child her favorite candy for a period of time as a means of discipline? And hopefully expect a good behavior from your method? Well, this technique might be effective for once or twice but it may not be a foolproof solution to your problem.
Let me give you a suggestion, rather than depriving her from her favorite candy for the few days, introduce a "time out" approach. Your child will be actively deciding on her behavior. No fretting and no fuss from you, it is non-invasive, non-confrontation and is one of the many best means of discipline.
With this approach, you are sending a very clear message that mummy or daddy is not accepting such behaviors from her and in no time she will learn to comprehend this. All the while, be clear with your body language and after the "time out" period is over, share with her that you are still very much love by mummy and daddy!
Other useful methods is effective communication, instead of reprimanding your child with a negative feedback; give an affirmative one to reinforce constructive and encouraging possessiveness in her.
Here are two examples, do not say things like, "do not yell at your brother," instead articulate this, "please speak softly to your brother." Or "don't be rude to your grandpa," instead it becomes, "please be obedient to your grandpa." And after some time, your child had corrected herself; do not hesitate to make known to her that you were proud of her obedience and use words like "thank you for your effort." This will also encourage her to use such words in the future.
Try to look out for good behaviors and make it a point to praise her for her attempt. Complimenting her for the job well done goes a long way to reinforce self-esteem and confidence in your child. Just remember to be generous with your praises and minimize criticism. Genuine tender loving care is great encouragement.
At times, you may feel weighed down from the constant testing of your child. Just take heart, and bear in mind you are not alone in this world, parents do go through this phase of parenting, it is a worldwide phenomena. Also, your child really needs you to lead her in this chapter of character building.
Do seek assistance from professionals and self help books if you really need to. Last but not least, forming a parent group support is another great way for you to share experiences and keep your sanity.
Murphy Isaac is a father of 2 and is passionate with Parenting. To get more free tips and advice on Parenting on [http://lovefatherhood.com]click here to subscribe to my free newsletter (worth US$197) Or visit my website @ [http://lovefatherhood.com]www.lovefatherhood.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Positive-Ways-To-Make-Defiant-Children-Listen-to-You&id=6304310] Positive Ways To Make Defiant Children Listen to You
Saturday, January 21, 2012
A Father's Role During Pregnancy And Childbirth
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Eirian_Hallinan]Eirian Hallinan
During a woman's pregnancy she will appreciate a man who is involved in what she is experiencing and a man who listens and who is attentive to her needs. At times she will feel the need to be 'mothered' herself and the father should allow and let this happen by nurturing and looking after her.
Couples will find the balance between an uninterested, detached father and an intrusive father who does not give the mother her privacy.
Healthy ways for fathers to be involved in a helpful and beneficial way can be things like his interest and research in reading about pregnancy, childbirth and good parenting skills. Fathers can suffer from anxiety because of the unknown so reading and researching these topics can help to alleviate some of that strain. It also gives the father a chance to discuss subjects he has read about with the mother.
A father-to-be can really help the mother with the preparatory shopping that needs to be done before the birth. It is a chance for the mother and father to build the nest together. Items like the cot, pram, clothing, car-seat, changing unit and bottles can seem like a very long list and the mother will appreciate the father's interest and keenness to prepare for the arrival together.
It is important for the father to be available and interested at medical check-ups and ultrasound scans or for classes preparing the couple for the birth. The father can also suggest nutritious foods and make meals that the mother will enjoy and benefit from.
The mother will be excited about the movements of the baby inside her and will want to share this experience with the father. The father can place his hand on the mother's belly and he too can share the wriggling of the baby and the enthusiasm and excitement of the mother is then shared. This way of communicating with the baby through touch can be researched further through the science and therapy of haptonomy. This has been used to help position a baby into the correct position before birth.
As with the mother's voice, a baby even before birth will recognise his father's voice if he hears it regularly. Talking to your unborn baby will help the baby to recognise you and will be reassured by your voice when he is born. As with the mother, the unborn baby can move and behave in particular ways when he hears your voice.
In only the last twenty or so years it has become common for fathers to be invited to their child's birth and is now considered beneficial. It has been observed that fathers being present at childbirth helps the mother and has seen a reduction in the doses of analgesics. It is important to discuss what is to happen before the arrival and be in agreement as to whether you are to be there for the birth.
It can be very difficult for the father to see the woman he loves in pain and not be able to share some of it or take the pain away. Fathers can just be there, be empathetic, comfort and avoid trying to 'manage' the situation, asking if everything is OK all the time. Childbirth is an incredibly intense time and every word that is uttered takes on a heightened importance. Fathers are sometimes better off staying silent for a lot of the time, avoiding cracking jokes to avoid tension or focusing on how he is feeling every five minutes.
The father should discuss with the mother whether she wants cameras and video cameras in the labour room as they are not always wanted and are usually best saved for a little time after the birth. The memories the mother shares with the father are more important than sharing the experience with everyone else through a collection of photographs.
Eirian Hallinan, a mom, wife and well accomplished writer whom has authored numerous articles for outstanding online sites like [http://babycarejournals.com/?p=533]www.BabyCareJournals.com. Through her life experiences and studies, she has attained a solid knowledge in using all natural remedies to treat [http://www.coliccalm.com/baby_infant_newborn_articles/baby_colic_treatment.htm]infant colic and infant gas.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Role-During-Pregnancy-And-Childbirth&id=6351750] A Father's Role During Pregnancy And Childbirth
During a woman's pregnancy she will appreciate a man who is involved in what she is experiencing and a man who listens and who is attentive to her needs. At times she will feel the need to be 'mothered' herself and the father should allow and let this happen by nurturing and looking after her.
Couples will find the balance between an uninterested, detached father and an intrusive father who does not give the mother her privacy.
Healthy ways for fathers to be involved in a helpful and beneficial way can be things like his interest and research in reading about pregnancy, childbirth and good parenting skills. Fathers can suffer from anxiety because of the unknown so reading and researching these topics can help to alleviate some of that strain. It also gives the father a chance to discuss subjects he has read about with the mother.
A father-to-be can really help the mother with the preparatory shopping that needs to be done before the birth. It is a chance for the mother and father to build the nest together. Items like the cot, pram, clothing, car-seat, changing unit and bottles can seem like a very long list and the mother will appreciate the father's interest and keenness to prepare for the arrival together.
It is important for the father to be available and interested at medical check-ups and ultrasound scans or for classes preparing the couple for the birth. The father can also suggest nutritious foods and make meals that the mother will enjoy and benefit from.
The mother will be excited about the movements of the baby inside her and will want to share this experience with the father. The father can place his hand on the mother's belly and he too can share the wriggling of the baby and the enthusiasm and excitement of the mother is then shared. This way of communicating with the baby through touch can be researched further through the science and therapy of haptonomy. This has been used to help position a baby into the correct position before birth.
As with the mother's voice, a baby even before birth will recognise his father's voice if he hears it regularly. Talking to your unborn baby will help the baby to recognise you and will be reassured by your voice when he is born. As with the mother, the unborn baby can move and behave in particular ways when he hears your voice.
In only the last twenty or so years it has become common for fathers to be invited to their child's birth and is now considered beneficial. It has been observed that fathers being present at childbirth helps the mother and has seen a reduction in the doses of analgesics. It is important to discuss what is to happen before the arrival and be in agreement as to whether you are to be there for the birth.
It can be very difficult for the father to see the woman he loves in pain and not be able to share some of it or take the pain away. Fathers can just be there, be empathetic, comfort and avoid trying to 'manage' the situation, asking if everything is OK all the time. Childbirth is an incredibly intense time and every word that is uttered takes on a heightened importance. Fathers are sometimes better off staying silent for a lot of the time, avoiding cracking jokes to avoid tension or focusing on how he is feeling every five minutes.
The father should discuss with the mother whether she wants cameras and video cameras in the labour room as they are not always wanted and are usually best saved for a little time after the birth. The memories the mother shares with the father are more important than sharing the experience with everyone else through a collection of photographs.
Eirian Hallinan, a mom, wife and well accomplished writer whom has authored numerous articles for outstanding online sites like [http://babycarejournals.com/?p=533]www.BabyCareJournals.com. Through her life experiences and studies, she has attained a solid knowledge in using all natural remedies to treat [http://www.coliccalm.com/baby_infant_newborn_articles/baby_colic_treatment.htm]infant colic and infant gas.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Role-During-Pregnancy-And-Childbirth&id=6351750] A Father's Role During Pregnancy And Childbirth
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Leather Father's Day Gifts - Don't Forget Grandpa!
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Sarah_Simmons]Sarah Simmons
It's almost time for Father's Day, and if you're anything like me, you have no idea what to get for your father or grandfather. What's with these guys? Anything they want or need they've already bought for themselves, which leaves the rest of the family scrambling to find suitable gifts to celebrate their accomplishments as fathers. Not this year though! Read on for the best Father's Day gift ideas.
Forget neckties your dad will never wear or a TV remote caddy that will never see the light of day within your grandpa's home, for a great Father's Day gift, think leather. Leather padfolios, briefcases, laptop cases, leather desk sets: these are the things dads actually want! Your dad already has an iPad, so buy him an elegant and durable leather iPad case to protect it. Does your grandpa love golf? Why not buy him a deluxe leather golf bag with a gift certificate for a round of golf tucked inside? He'll love it! You can even get leather Father's Day gifts debossed with your dad or grandpa's initials - what a memorable way to say thanks for being a great father!
The saying in June is "Dads and Grads," so don't forget graduation gifts for all of those over-achievers in your life. What better way to welcome them into the real world than with a leather briefcase, leather padfolio or leather desk set that will last them all throughout their corporate career? High school graduates shipping off to college could make great use of a leather suitcase for toting their belongings back and forth between home and school. Leather luggage, toiletry cases, ID holders, or backpacks also make great graduation gifts for college graduates who are going to travel the world before getting a job.
And last but not least, what about some of those non-traditional fathers, grandfathers or graduates? There are so many leather gift options, you can find nearly anything for anyone - so think outside the traditional gift box. How about a leather jewelry box for your cousin that just graduated from beauty school? Or a 4-in-1 leather game set or playing card set for your retired grandfather who's always complaining that he's bored. For the disorganized relative in your life (we all have one), get a leather credit card organizer. With such a beautiful and elegant organizer, they will never lose track of their wallet again!
Leather Father's Day gifts and leather graduation gifts are the no-fail way to surprise your loved ones this June. Happy Father's Day, happy graduation, and happy shopping!
Since 1997, LeatherTree.com has dedicated themselves to providing the highest customer satisfaction in the leather goods industry. Their leather products include leather [http://www.leathertree.com/]briefcase selections, backpacks, messenger bags, and luggage, and make great birthday, holiday and [http://www.leathertree.com/leather-gifts/Graduation-Gifts-41]graduation gifts. They have been rated "1A" in customer service, ease of ordering, products, pricing and shipping.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Leather-Fathers-Day-Gifts---Dont-Forget-Grandpa!&id=6354534] Leather Father's Day Gifts - Don't Forget Grandpa!
It's almost time for Father's Day, and if you're anything like me, you have no idea what to get for your father or grandfather. What's with these guys? Anything they want or need they've already bought for themselves, which leaves the rest of the family scrambling to find suitable gifts to celebrate their accomplishments as fathers. Not this year though! Read on for the best Father's Day gift ideas.
Forget neckties your dad will never wear or a TV remote caddy that will never see the light of day within your grandpa's home, for a great Father's Day gift, think leather. Leather padfolios, briefcases, laptop cases, leather desk sets: these are the things dads actually want! Your dad already has an iPad, so buy him an elegant and durable leather iPad case to protect it. Does your grandpa love golf? Why not buy him a deluxe leather golf bag with a gift certificate for a round of golf tucked inside? He'll love it! You can even get leather Father's Day gifts debossed with your dad or grandpa's initials - what a memorable way to say thanks for being a great father!
The saying in June is "Dads and Grads," so don't forget graduation gifts for all of those over-achievers in your life. What better way to welcome them into the real world than with a leather briefcase, leather padfolio or leather desk set that will last them all throughout their corporate career? High school graduates shipping off to college could make great use of a leather suitcase for toting their belongings back and forth between home and school. Leather luggage, toiletry cases, ID holders, or backpacks also make great graduation gifts for college graduates who are going to travel the world before getting a job.
And last but not least, what about some of those non-traditional fathers, grandfathers or graduates? There are so many leather gift options, you can find nearly anything for anyone - so think outside the traditional gift box. How about a leather jewelry box for your cousin that just graduated from beauty school? Or a 4-in-1 leather game set or playing card set for your retired grandfather who's always complaining that he's bored. For the disorganized relative in your life (we all have one), get a leather credit card organizer. With such a beautiful and elegant organizer, they will never lose track of their wallet again!
Leather Father's Day gifts and leather graduation gifts are the no-fail way to surprise your loved ones this June. Happy Father's Day, happy graduation, and happy shopping!
Since 1997, LeatherTree.com has dedicated themselves to providing the highest customer satisfaction in the leather goods industry. Their leather products include leather [http://www.leathertree.com/]briefcase selections, backpacks, messenger bags, and luggage, and make great birthday, holiday and [http://www.leathertree.com/leather-gifts/Graduation-Gifts-41]graduation gifts. They have been rated "1A" in customer service, ease of ordering, products, pricing and shipping.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Leather-Fathers-Day-Gifts---Dont-Forget-Grandpa!&id=6354534] Leather Father's Day Gifts - Don't Forget Grandpa!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
The Good Father
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Malik_Amit]Malik Amit
A poem by Karl and Joanna Fuchs titled 'The Perfect Father' had a line in it that prompted me to look into the art of listening to kids a bit more. It is far too easy as a parent to get into auto pilot mode with the usual responses of "I See. Oh. Uh-huh. Hmmm", and end up not really listening.
The word 'listen' is actually a verb and therefore speaks of action. We should not just hear but we should hear with intention. We should not just hear but we should also pay attention.
We have come a long way in the past 100 odd years in terms of the level of 'noise' that is around us. With radio and TV and now streaming media on the internet, our lives are saturated with 'noise'. If we've not got the mobile phone glued to our ear, we've probably got on headphones or we are sitting in front of the TV watching a popular soap or seeking out in Google tid-bits of celebrity gossip. We may not realize this but our lives become so full of distractions that we begin to convince ourselves that we do not have time for the things that really matter in our lives. The problem is that with so much 'noise' in our lives, the sounds that matter gets swallowed up in the background noise.
One of the things that I really enjoy doing when I go out for my walks in the mornings is to try to distinguish the various sounds of nature. Sometimes if the walking path is close to a busy road, I would have to filter the noise of vehicles on the road from the other sounds by focusing on the sounds that I do want to listen to. The point therefore is not to get rid of the distractions because sometimes this is just not possible, but rather in the midst of all the distractions in life, we focus our attentions on the things that matter. This is actually an easy thing to do when we realize that the things that matter most in our lives are those that brings us most pleasure. The noise of vehicles on the road has never filled me with a sense of pleasure but the sounds of the woodpecker as it pecks away at a tree, the sweet song of the nightingale and the cooing of the pigeon has never failed to thrill.
Even though there is more to being a good father than just listening, I believe listening is one of the key attributes. The more consistently we listen to our kids, the more prepared we will be to face up to the challenges that growing up will invariably bring. The old proverb, 'forewarned is forearmed' comes to mind as we cultivate our listening. We will be able to see the danger signals well before it is too late and take appropriate action.
Author: Malik Amit
Website Address: http://thatsminedad.com
Here at thatsminedad.com, we have linked with some of the leading companies in the country to provide dads with a one-stop shop and resource of helps and self-helps that would help foster their relationship with their children. If you are looking to build your relationship with your children then please visit us at http://thatsminedad.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Good-Father&id=6339079] The Good Father
A poem by Karl and Joanna Fuchs titled 'The Perfect Father' had a line in it that prompted me to look into the art of listening to kids a bit more. It is far too easy as a parent to get into auto pilot mode with the usual responses of "I See. Oh. Uh-huh. Hmmm", and end up not really listening.
The word 'listen' is actually a verb and therefore speaks of action. We should not just hear but we should hear with intention. We should not just hear but we should also pay attention.
We have come a long way in the past 100 odd years in terms of the level of 'noise' that is around us. With radio and TV and now streaming media on the internet, our lives are saturated with 'noise'. If we've not got the mobile phone glued to our ear, we've probably got on headphones or we are sitting in front of the TV watching a popular soap or seeking out in Google tid-bits of celebrity gossip. We may not realize this but our lives become so full of distractions that we begin to convince ourselves that we do not have time for the things that really matter in our lives. The problem is that with so much 'noise' in our lives, the sounds that matter gets swallowed up in the background noise.
One of the things that I really enjoy doing when I go out for my walks in the mornings is to try to distinguish the various sounds of nature. Sometimes if the walking path is close to a busy road, I would have to filter the noise of vehicles on the road from the other sounds by focusing on the sounds that I do want to listen to. The point therefore is not to get rid of the distractions because sometimes this is just not possible, but rather in the midst of all the distractions in life, we focus our attentions on the things that matter. This is actually an easy thing to do when we realize that the things that matter most in our lives are those that brings us most pleasure. The noise of vehicles on the road has never filled me with a sense of pleasure but the sounds of the woodpecker as it pecks away at a tree, the sweet song of the nightingale and the cooing of the pigeon has never failed to thrill.
Even though there is more to being a good father than just listening, I believe listening is one of the key attributes. The more consistently we listen to our kids, the more prepared we will be to face up to the challenges that growing up will invariably bring. The old proverb, 'forewarned is forearmed' comes to mind as we cultivate our listening. We will be able to see the danger signals well before it is too late and take appropriate action.
Author: Malik Amit
Website Address: http://thatsminedad.com
Here at thatsminedad.com, we have linked with some of the leading companies in the country to provide dads with a one-stop shop and resource of helps and self-helps that would help foster their relationship with their children. If you are looking to build your relationship with your children then please visit us at http://thatsminedad.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Good-Father&id=6339079] The Good Father
Sunday, January 15, 2012
My Forever Love - A Father's Day Tribute
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Andrea_Sharp]Andrea Sharp
"Bye dad." "I love you!" "We'll see you soon." I said softly as we settled him in the front seat of our car. My husband Matt was taking dad (my father-in-law) back to his home in Fresno.
They drove out of the driveway and down the road. I breathed a long sigh of relief. We had brought dad home for 3 days, back to where he'd lived for the past 8 years. Readjusting back to our home proved much more difficult than we had anticipated. Fresno was dad's home now and he was happy there.
Matt slept each night on the couch beside his bed, because at 93 he sometimes gets confused when he wakes up in the night. Three weeks prior Dad had had surgery. The surgery was a difficult process and dad wasn't gaining strength back very quickly. He looked feeble and frail. He was pale and often light headed.
Matt got little sleep as dad had severe pain in his hips and legs. Matt would massage his joints, re-situate him on his bed and place pillows under and beside him.
When morning came Matt went to work and I took over. Breakfast and bath were on my agenda for dad. Both were complete failures. Dad almost passed out three different times, his catheter began leaking, and holding him up proved much more daunting than I imagined. Soon I was in tears. My sister came to help and 3 hours later we were fixing breakfast. "I'm in way over my head." I cried to my sister. "We can't do this alone!"
Dad couldn't be left alone at all. He required 24 hour, minute by minute care and attention. Family and friends came to help us, and others brought meals.
The next day Matt stayed with dad while I went to work. Before I left I came in to dad's room. There was Matt lovingly sponge bathing dad, limb by limb. After he washed an area, he would gently massage lotion onto his dry skin. Step by step, time after time, Matt would repeat this process until dad was washed and dressed.
Being dad's youngest; Matt was now in the role of lovingly fathering his own father. Sleeping next to his bed so he wouldn't be afraid, massaging his aches and pains, bathing, dressing and feeding his dad were all necessary components to his care.
As I write this I'm filled with tremendous love and gratitude for Matt. I want him to know that every gentle act he does is recorded and seen by our heavenly Father who is incredibly proud of how he's served his parents, his sons and me.
Matt has led by example. Actions are always heard much louder than words ever could be. The way he's always loved me is teaching his sons the role of a good husband and faithful companion.
I've seen the countless baseball pitches he's caught in the backyard, the wrestling matches he's engaged in when it's been 3 boys to one and all the times he's played king of the mountain in the swimming pool. Reading stories to our sons, doing daily Bible reading and prayer with them have ingrained life long values in their hearts and minds forever.
I am eternally grateful for Matt. He is my forever love! I'm so very proud of the daddy he is and the man he's become as he's sought to seek the Lord each day. This Father's Day I salute you Matt and all the other dads who have sacrificed so much in a multitude of ways. We appreciate you so very much!
Happy Father's Day!
Andrea Sharp is the Founder of Apple of His Eye Ministries, and regularly speaks at women's conferences and church retreats. Andrea has connected with hundreds of women, sharing her passion for the Lord while inspiring women to live peaceful, abundant lives. Visit http://www.appleofhiseyeministries.com or email Andrea at [mailto:andrea@appleofhiseyeministries.com]andrea@appleofhiseyeministries.com. Find me on Facebook at [http://www.facebook.com/#!/appleofhiseyeministries]http://www.facebook.com/#!/appleofhiseyeministries.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?My-Forever-Love---A-Fathers-Day-Tribute&id=6355410] My Forever Love - A Father's Day Tribute
"Bye dad." "I love you!" "We'll see you soon." I said softly as we settled him in the front seat of our car. My husband Matt was taking dad (my father-in-law) back to his home in Fresno.
They drove out of the driveway and down the road. I breathed a long sigh of relief. We had brought dad home for 3 days, back to where he'd lived for the past 8 years. Readjusting back to our home proved much more difficult than we had anticipated. Fresno was dad's home now and he was happy there.
Matt slept each night on the couch beside his bed, because at 93 he sometimes gets confused when he wakes up in the night. Three weeks prior Dad had had surgery. The surgery was a difficult process and dad wasn't gaining strength back very quickly. He looked feeble and frail. He was pale and often light headed.
Matt got little sleep as dad had severe pain in his hips and legs. Matt would massage his joints, re-situate him on his bed and place pillows under and beside him.
When morning came Matt went to work and I took over. Breakfast and bath were on my agenda for dad. Both were complete failures. Dad almost passed out three different times, his catheter began leaking, and holding him up proved much more daunting than I imagined. Soon I was in tears. My sister came to help and 3 hours later we were fixing breakfast. "I'm in way over my head." I cried to my sister. "We can't do this alone!"
Dad couldn't be left alone at all. He required 24 hour, minute by minute care and attention. Family and friends came to help us, and others brought meals.
The next day Matt stayed with dad while I went to work. Before I left I came in to dad's room. There was Matt lovingly sponge bathing dad, limb by limb. After he washed an area, he would gently massage lotion onto his dry skin. Step by step, time after time, Matt would repeat this process until dad was washed and dressed.
Being dad's youngest; Matt was now in the role of lovingly fathering his own father. Sleeping next to his bed so he wouldn't be afraid, massaging his aches and pains, bathing, dressing and feeding his dad were all necessary components to his care.
As I write this I'm filled with tremendous love and gratitude for Matt. I want him to know that every gentle act he does is recorded and seen by our heavenly Father who is incredibly proud of how he's served his parents, his sons and me.
Matt has led by example. Actions are always heard much louder than words ever could be. The way he's always loved me is teaching his sons the role of a good husband and faithful companion.
I've seen the countless baseball pitches he's caught in the backyard, the wrestling matches he's engaged in when it's been 3 boys to one and all the times he's played king of the mountain in the swimming pool. Reading stories to our sons, doing daily Bible reading and prayer with them have ingrained life long values in their hearts and minds forever.
I am eternally grateful for Matt. He is my forever love! I'm so very proud of the daddy he is and the man he's become as he's sought to seek the Lord each day. This Father's Day I salute you Matt and all the other dads who have sacrificed so much in a multitude of ways. We appreciate you so very much!
Happy Father's Day!
Andrea Sharp is the Founder of Apple of His Eye Ministries, and regularly speaks at women's conferences and church retreats. Andrea has connected with hundreds of women, sharing her passion for the Lord while inspiring women to live peaceful, abundant lives. Visit http://www.appleofhiseyeministries.com or email Andrea at [mailto:andrea@appleofhiseyeministries.com]andrea@appleofhiseyeministries.com. Find me on Facebook at [http://www.facebook.com/#!/appleofhiseyeministries]http://www.facebook.com/#!/appleofhiseyeministries.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?My-Forever-Love---A-Fathers-Day-Tribute&id=6355410] My Forever Love - A Father's Day Tribute
Friday, January 13, 2012
Dear Deadbeat Dad
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Nova_Giovanni]Nova Giovanni
Dear Deadbeat Dad,
Hello there, young man with your priorities misconstrued. Those are some nice rims on your car. Man, you STAY wearing the latest sneakers out. In fact, you know ALL the release dates to all the new shoes. Do you know your child's birthday, though? Do you know the first tooth they lost? Was it a top tooth or bottom tooth. How are their grades in school? In fact, do you even know what school your child attends? Sit down, let me talk to you.
What does your child mean to you? Chances are, even though you aren't there - you mean the world to them. Are they someone you have an emotional attachment to, or are they just a wallet sized photo you like to show off to prove that your sperm works? Did you stop caring about your child when you stopped having sex with your child's mother? We've got to do better.
I'm not going to preach to you like someone who hasn't been there - because I have, and I'm still here. Stop making excuses as to why you're not spending time with your child. You say to yourself, "I don't have any money"... or "I can't buy them (insert item here)". Let me tell you something, THE BEST THING WE CAN SPEND ON OUR CHILDREN IS OUR TIME. They won't remember what you bought them, they'll remember how you made them feel. Therefore, don't let your child feel like they are dispensable. If you can't give your child a gift, give your child a kiss.
Now, you're with your new girlfriend. Playing with your girlfriend's child. Don't you feel at least a LITTLE GUILTY? Seriously! What about the child YOU helped bring into this world? Does that trouble your spirit at all? Just know that if you aren't a male role model for your child - someone else WILL BE. Whether it is a celebrity, neighborhood dope dealer, or the man that physically abuses your child's mother and keeps them awake at night with their arguments.
Was your father there? If not, how did that make you feel? As a man, we try to suppress those feelings. But, you know it makes you feel a certain way. As a child, he probably made you feel like you wasn't worth his time. Perhaps, he only provided you with empty promises, didn't deliver and NOW as an adult you really don't get your hopes up for anything. Lets break the cycle.
Fathers... Call your child now right now and tell them, "I Love You"....
I Love You,
Nova Giovanni http://NovaGiovanni.WordPress.com
Twitter - @NovaGiovanni
Facebook - Nova Giovanni
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Dear-Deadbeat-Dad&id=6355081] Dear Deadbeat Dad
Dear Deadbeat Dad,
Hello there, young man with your priorities misconstrued. Those are some nice rims on your car. Man, you STAY wearing the latest sneakers out. In fact, you know ALL the release dates to all the new shoes. Do you know your child's birthday, though? Do you know the first tooth they lost? Was it a top tooth or bottom tooth. How are their grades in school? In fact, do you even know what school your child attends? Sit down, let me talk to you.
What does your child mean to you? Chances are, even though you aren't there - you mean the world to them. Are they someone you have an emotional attachment to, or are they just a wallet sized photo you like to show off to prove that your sperm works? Did you stop caring about your child when you stopped having sex with your child's mother? We've got to do better.
I'm not going to preach to you like someone who hasn't been there - because I have, and I'm still here. Stop making excuses as to why you're not spending time with your child. You say to yourself, "I don't have any money"... or "I can't buy them (insert item here)". Let me tell you something, THE BEST THING WE CAN SPEND ON OUR CHILDREN IS OUR TIME. They won't remember what you bought them, they'll remember how you made them feel. Therefore, don't let your child feel like they are dispensable. If you can't give your child a gift, give your child a kiss.
Now, you're with your new girlfriend. Playing with your girlfriend's child. Don't you feel at least a LITTLE GUILTY? Seriously! What about the child YOU helped bring into this world? Does that trouble your spirit at all? Just know that if you aren't a male role model for your child - someone else WILL BE. Whether it is a celebrity, neighborhood dope dealer, or the man that physically abuses your child's mother and keeps them awake at night with their arguments.
Was your father there? If not, how did that make you feel? As a man, we try to suppress those feelings. But, you know it makes you feel a certain way. As a child, he probably made you feel like you wasn't worth his time. Perhaps, he only provided you with empty promises, didn't deliver and NOW as an adult you really don't get your hopes up for anything. Lets break the cycle.
Fathers... Call your child now right now and tell them, "I Love You"....
I Love You,
Nova Giovanni http://NovaGiovanni.WordPress.com
Twitter - @NovaGiovanni
Facebook - Nova Giovanni
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Dear-Deadbeat-Dad&id=6355081] Dear Deadbeat Dad
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
A Father's Life Story
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Larry_M._Elkin]Larry M. Elkin
A manila folder in my office holds a vinyl case that contains three life insurance policies, carefully stowed away many years ago. I happened upon them this week and read, amid the legalese, the story of a father's life.
My father-in-law met his future wife in the displaced persons' camps in Germany after World War II. They married in 1946 and soon sailed for Brooklyn. His wife's sister came with them.
The newlyweds arrived with virtually nothing. They found a basement apartment on Bergen Street, slept on the sand at Coney Island to keep cool on hot summer nights, became American citizens and discovered baseball and the Dodgers. His wife, shy and slow to learn English, kept house and studied to operate a mechanical calculator called a comptometer. It would be years before she felt ready to apply for a job.
My father-in-law did whatever he needed to do to support them. He was a grocery clerk, a "loader" of ball bearings into machinery that made rollers, a machinist and eventually a taxi driver. Nobody worried much in those days about job satisfaction or work-life balance. If you were a man, your duty was to put food on your family's table and a roof over their heads. You worked if you could. You made other arrangements if you could not.
So on April 8, 1950, my father-in-law applied for a $5,000 policy from Metropolitan Life. His wife was the primary beneficiary; her sister was the contingent beneficiary if his wife did not survive him. He was 31 and in good health. He duly reported that his father had died in 1944, at age 65, in a concentration camp. Curiously, his application noted that his "mother" likewise died in the concentration camp, at age 28, the same year. That woman was his father's second wife; she would have been about 3 years old the year my father-in-law was born. Metropolitan Life seems not to have cared.
The policy cost $123 for a year's coverage, payable in advance. It must have seemed like a lot of money, but my father-in-law knew that his wife would need that $5,000 if she lost him.
Their only child, my wife, came along in 1957, at which time he took out a second $5,000 policy, this one with Connecticut General. In 1959 he updated the original Met Life policy to make his daughter, rather than his wife's sister, the contingent beneficiary.
He added a third $5,000 whole life policy, from Companion Life Insurance Company of New York, in 1966. "This policy is one of your most valuable possessions," a legend on the policy jacket cautioned. "Keep it in a safe place. Do not let it lapse."
He never did.
My father-in-law worked until he was 80. He is 92 now, and his vision is poor, so I plan to read this column to him when my wife and I visit him on Sunday for Father's Day. His wife died last summer. My father died in December.
Life insurance sales have declined markedly in recent decades. LIMRA, a trade group, reported last year (1) that only 44 percent of American households have individual life insurance policies - a 50-year low - and that 30 percent have no coverage at all. This means that about a quarter of U.S. households have insurance coverage only through group plans, usually employer-sponsored, which can result in lost coverage if the employee loses his or her job.
Not every household needs life insurance. Young, single people with no debt usually need disability coverage much more than they need life insurance. Retirees with no mortgage, ample pensions and adequate savings can frequently do without it. Having two wage-earners with strong earning power may reduce the need for coverage, though I often ask young parents what would happen to the survivor's career if one of them died. Often, they conclude that the survivor would want to cut back on work hours or pressure, and would accept less income in order to spend more time at home with the children. We take this into account when we calculate insurance needs.
Even allowing for exceptions and mitigating circumstances, the inescapable conclusion is that many people today are taking financial risks that my father-in-law's generation would have deemed unacceptable. Education and health care, in particular, have gotten so expensive that I suspect many people feel they simply must roll the dice on the low risk of a premature death in order to meet the more immediate demands of these hard-to-avoid costs.
But it is a false trade-off. My wife's parents lived in a basement and slept on a beach. Though college was less expensive in her time, her father still drove his taxi 12 hours a day, six or seven days a week, to make sure she could attend it. Restaurant meals were rare and vacations were rarer. There were plenty of things her parents wanted. They just wanted financial protection for their family more.
The women of my Baby Boom generation had opportunities their mothers never did, and most men my age are glad of it. We expect our daughters to benefit from the same career options and earning potential as our sons. We recognize that with the cost of housing, education, health care and retirement these days, it is neither fair nor realistic to expect a husband, by himself, to provide his family with a comfortable and secure life. Very few of us would recreate the society of the early postwar years, even if we could.
Yet a lot of Baby Boomer boys like me developed our concept of what it is to be a husband and a father by watching men like my father-in-law. We admire their willingness to do whatever needed to be done, without complaint and without bemoaning what they sacrificed. When our daughters bring their future husbands home to meet us, we want someone who will put his family first.
Happy Father's Day.
Sources: 1) rel=nofollow [http://www.lifeandhealthinsurancenews.com/News/2010/8/Pages/Life-Insurance-Ownership-Falls-LIMRA.aspx]National Underwriter, "Life Insurance Ownership Falls: LIMRA"
For more articles, please visit the Palisades Hudson Financial Group LLC newsletter or subscribe to the blog.
Newsletter http://palisadeshudson.com/sentinel/
Blog: http://palisadeshudson.com/current-commentary/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Life-Story&id=6359603] A Father's Life Story
A manila folder in my office holds a vinyl case that contains three life insurance policies, carefully stowed away many years ago. I happened upon them this week and read, amid the legalese, the story of a father's life.
My father-in-law met his future wife in the displaced persons' camps in Germany after World War II. They married in 1946 and soon sailed for Brooklyn. His wife's sister came with them.
The newlyweds arrived with virtually nothing. They found a basement apartment on Bergen Street, slept on the sand at Coney Island to keep cool on hot summer nights, became American citizens and discovered baseball and the Dodgers. His wife, shy and slow to learn English, kept house and studied to operate a mechanical calculator called a comptometer. It would be years before she felt ready to apply for a job.
My father-in-law did whatever he needed to do to support them. He was a grocery clerk, a "loader" of ball bearings into machinery that made rollers, a machinist and eventually a taxi driver. Nobody worried much in those days about job satisfaction or work-life balance. If you were a man, your duty was to put food on your family's table and a roof over their heads. You worked if you could. You made other arrangements if you could not.
So on April 8, 1950, my father-in-law applied for a $5,000 policy from Metropolitan Life. His wife was the primary beneficiary; her sister was the contingent beneficiary if his wife did not survive him. He was 31 and in good health. He duly reported that his father had died in 1944, at age 65, in a concentration camp. Curiously, his application noted that his "mother" likewise died in the concentration camp, at age 28, the same year. That woman was his father's second wife; she would have been about 3 years old the year my father-in-law was born. Metropolitan Life seems not to have cared.
The policy cost $123 for a year's coverage, payable in advance. It must have seemed like a lot of money, but my father-in-law knew that his wife would need that $5,000 if she lost him.
Their only child, my wife, came along in 1957, at which time he took out a second $5,000 policy, this one with Connecticut General. In 1959 he updated the original Met Life policy to make his daughter, rather than his wife's sister, the contingent beneficiary.
He added a third $5,000 whole life policy, from Companion Life Insurance Company of New York, in 1966. "This policy is one of your most valuable possessions," a legend on the policy jacket cautioned. "Keep it in a safe place. Do not let it lapse."
He never did.
My father-in-law worked until he was 80. He is 92 now, and his vision is poor, so I plan to read this column to him when my wife and I visit him on Sunday for Father's Day. His wife died last summer. My father died in December.
Life insurance sales have declined markedly in recent decades. LIMRA, a trade group, reported last year (1) that only 44 percent of American households have individual life insurance policies - a 50-year low - and that 30 percent have no coverage at all. This means that about a quarter of U.S. households have insurance coverage only through group plans, usually employer-sponsored, which can result in lost coverage if the employee loses his or her job.
Not every household needs life insurance. Young, single people with no debt usually need disability coverage much more than they need life insurance. Retirees with no mortgage, ample pensions and adequate savings can frequently do without it. Having two wage-earners with strong earning power may reduce the need for coverage, though I often ask young parents what would happen to the survivor's career if one of them died. Often, they conclude that the survivor would want to cut back on work hours or pressure, and would accept less income in order to spend more time at home with the children. We take this into account when we calculate insurance needs.
Even allowing for exceptions and mitigating circumstances, the inescapable conclusion is that many people today are taking financial risks that my father-in-law's generation would have deemed unacceptable. Education and health care, in particular, have gotten so expensive that I suspect many people feel they simply must roll the dice on the low risk of a premature death in order to meet the more immediate demands of these hard-to-avoid costs.
But it is a false trade-off. My wife's parents lived in a basement and slept on a beach. Though college was less expensive in her time, her father still drove his taxi 12 hours a day, six or seven days a week, to make sure she could attend it. Restaurant meals were rare and vacations were rarer. There were plenty of things her parents wanted. They just wanted financial protection for their family more.
The women of my Baby Boom generation had opportunities their mothers never did, and most men my age are glad of it. We expect our daughters to benefit from the same career options and earning potential as our sons. We recognize that with the cost of housing, education, health care and retirement these days, it is neither fair nor realistic to expect a husband, by himself, to provide his family with a comfortable and secure life. Very few of us would recreate the society of the early postwar years, even if we could.
Yet a lot of Baby Boomer boys like me developed our concept of what it is to be a husband and a father by watching men like my father-in-law. We admire their willingness to do whatever needed to be done, without complaint and without bemoaning what they sacrificed. When our daughters bring their future husbands home to meet us, we want someone who will put his family first.
Happy Father's Day.
Sources: 1) rel=nofollow [http://www.lifeandhealthinsurancenews.com/News/2010/8/Pages/Life-Insurance-Ownership-Falls-LIMRA.aspx]National Underwriter, "Life Insurance Ownership Falls: LIMRA"
For more articles, please visit the Palisades Hudson Financial Group LLC newsletter or subscribe to the blog.
Newsletter http://palisadeshudson.com/sentinel/
Blog: http://palisadeshudson.com/current-commentary/
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Life-Story&id=6359603] A Father's Life Story
Monday, January 9, 2012
Why Fathers Deserve the Best?
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=David_Housse]David Housse
Do you sometimes feel that there is a mysterious power watching you and following your actions? I'm sure that we are all familiar with this feeling. Did you feel that there is a higher power that helps you when you're in trouble? May be you did and may be you didn't. The point is that people always tend to turn their backs on the things they don't understand. I'm sure you're now asking of what Fathers have to do with higher powers. Well it has to do everything with it.
As you know, Mother's day is probably one of the busiest days of the year in terms of gift shopping. The reason for this is so obvious because we're talking about our Moms who brought us to this world, protected us, sacrificed for us and cared about us until we became Men and Women. On the other hand, it seems that very few people appreciate what Fathers did. You know why?
Father's are always tough on their kids. When we were kids, we thought about every decision our Fathers took as "unfair". Some people carry that image with them for the rest of their lives. Many people also prefer Mothers over Fathers because they think that Moms always stand in their side while Fathers are always in the opposite one.
Fathers always try so hard to be responsible. Responsibility isn't an easy thing as you know. Being firm is part of Father's job. If you return back and see what Fathers really contributed to your life, you'll see that everything you became is the fruit of your Father's hard work. Father's tend to work so hard to support their families no matter what happens. They also tend to be quiet, and that' the reason behind many sons and daughters not understanding them.
Father's also don't wait for any return from you no matter what happens. So why don't you honor them in their only annual celebration? I'm sure that many Fathers don't want anything but to see their kids being successful members of their society as your success is the best gift that you can offer to your Father. If our Fathers has been through all the sweet and bitter for us, why we don't make their day the most memorable day of their year?
If you really want to be a good son or daughter, you need to bring joy to their hearts in order for them to feel that their kids really care about them.
If you really care about your Fathers and want to honor them in their annual celebration, take a loot at: [http://www.flowersbymail.net/]flowers by mail AND [http://www.flowersbymail.net/9-online-flower-ordering-tips/]online flower ordering
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Fathers-Deserve-the-Best?&id=6359731] Why Fathers Deserve the Best?
Do you sometimes feel that there is a mysterious power watching you and following your actions? I'm sure that we are all familiar with this feeling. Did you feel that there is a higher power that helps you when you're in trouble? May be you did and may be you didn't. The point is that people always tend to turn their backs on the things they don't understand. I'm sure you're now asking of what Fathers have to do with higher powers. Well it has to do everything with it.
As you know, Mother's day is probably one of the busiest days of the year in terms of gift shopping. The reason for this is so obvious because we're talking about our Moms who brought us to this world, protected us, sacrificed for us and cared about us until we became Men and Women. On the other hand, it seems that very few people appreciate what Fathers did. You know why?
Father's are always tough on their kids. When we were kids, we thought about every decision our Fathers took as "unfair". Some people carry that image with them for the rest of their lives. Many people also prefer Mothers over Fathers because they think that Moms always stand in their side while Fathers are always in the opposite one.
Fathers always try so hard to be responsible. Responsibility isn't an easy thing as you know. Being firm is part of Father's job. If you return back and see what Fathers really contributed to your life, you'll see that everything you became is the fruit of your Father's hard work. Father's tend to work so hard to support their families no matter what happens. They also tend to be quiet, and that' the reason behind many sons and daughters not understanding them.
Father's also don't wait for any return from you no matter what happens. So why don't you honor them in their only annual celebration? I'm sure that many Fathers don't want anything but to see their kids being successful members of their society as your success is the best gift that you can offer to your Father. If our Fathers has been through all the sweet and bitter for us, why we don't make their day the most memorable day of their year?
If you really want to be a good son or daughter, you need to bring joy to their hearts in order for them to feel that their kids really care about them.
If you really care about your Fathers and want to honor them in their annual celebration, take a loot at: [http://www.flowersbymail.net/]flowers by mail AND [http://www.flowersbymail.net/9-online-flower-ordering-tips/]online flower ordering
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Why-Fathers-Deserve-the-Best?&id=6359731] Why Fathers Deserve the Best?
Saturday, January 7, 2012
A Father's Children: More Precious Than Gold
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Kevin_Probst]Kevin Probst
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:3-5)
Maybe you've heard this story before, if so, it is worth repeating. A man worked very hard throughout his entire life. He finally made it to heaven and an angel met him at the gate. The angel welcomed him and saw that the man was dragging a huge container. The angel said, "You won't be needing that, sir." "Oh, but I must have this. I've worked and labored by the sweat of my brow my entire life for this. I've invested everything in it. Please." The angel was very curious what a man might work so hard for so the angel asked, "Okay. But, sir, might I see what it is that is so valuable to you?" The man opened the container to reveal it was full of gold. The angel looked perplexed and astonished, "Why have you worked so hard for that, sir? We pave our streets with that stuff." He had spent his days for nothing more than asphalt in heaven.
If a man were to gain the whole world and lose his son, what does it profit him? My five year old son, Kameron, has arrived at the 'mimic daddy' stage. His godmother bought him a watch the other day and he was so proud of it. He wanted to wear it to bed. "Daddy, why don't you wear your watch to bed?" I replied, "I don't need to know what time it is and it's a bit uncomfortable." So, he took off his watch, walked out to the living room and laid it on the coffee table beside my watch. I am on constant alert because he patterns himself after everything I do and say.
If a man were to gain the whole world and lose his daughter, what does it profit him? A bitter-sweet day for fathers is the day you give your daughter away to another man in marriage. The standard by which your daughter measures a man who is a candidate to be her husband will be based upon the character of her father. She will probably not aim any higher than her father. Fathers must hold the standard high.
There are days when I've come home literally exhausted. Times when I've longed for some time of solitude, a time of quietness and rest. I've dragged myself in the door some evenings and all I want to do is collapse but I am met at the door by an energetic five year old boy who has been waiting all day for his daddy to come home. He wants to chase, he wants to tickle and he wants to wrestle and he wants more than anything the attention of his daddy. What is a weary father to do? He sucks it up and wrestles because the time spent with his precious son is more important than even rest to his weary body.
Fathers may be thought of as a mirror, a thermostat and a compass in the home.
1. The Father is a mirror to his children. Your son learns to like what you like. Your daughters especially will look in the mirror that is their father to see if it reflects any beauty or value in her. A father who belittles and degrades his children does irreparable harm to their self-esteem.
A father must realize that he is like a god to his children. His ultimate purpose is to portray the image of God to his family. He introduces God through his own character. His children worship the ground he walks on. I remember being a young child in grade school bragging to my friends how strong and smart my dad was. I had the best Dad in the world and I wanted everyone to know it. That's why, when a father uses words that bring shame to a child, the child believes every word as the gospel truth. If you tell him he is worthless he won't question you. In education we call it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tell a child he can't succeed and he won't. Tell a child he is a failure and he'll likely become a failure.
Lutzer tells of a father who told his adoptive son in a moment of anger, "You are nothing. You are what just the result of a one-night-stand." That father didn't murder his child but he may have done something worse. He destroyed his inner soul. He stomped on and crushed the boy's sense of self worth and that son may never recover from those words.
2. A Father is a thermostat in his home. He sets the tone for the atmosphere within the home. His anger or moodiness is contagious. His joy and humor is like a healing salve during difficult times. He sets the parameters for how family members speak to and treat each other.
3. A Father is the compass of the home. If church isn't important to dad it won't be important to the children. If the children never see dad reading his Bible it's not likely they will read their Bible. If dad treats mom with disrespect then the children will treat her in like manner. Young ladies dating and hoping to marry, do you want to know how he will treat you after you are married? A strong indicator is to check out how he treats his mother or how his father treats his mother.
A father who comes home every weekend and lay on the sofa watching television and eating chips and drinking beer often wonders why his children are not industrious. "Why are my kids so lazy?" It's because he sets the tone. When he runs with his buddies he cusses like a sailor and then smacks his nine year old son when he says a cuss word. The boy is only trying to be like his dad, his dad is like a god to him. Why is he being punished for wanting to be like his daddy?
Fathers are often deceived into thinking the most important thing in life is earning another dollar, reaching for a bigger home or a nicer car. It's wonderful if a father can provide the very best for his family but he nor his family will take any of that into the next life. As fathers, we need to learn and emphasize the three R's: earn respect from your children and wife, develop relationship with family and God and demonstrate a religion that proves itself when times get difficult because nothing is more important than the souls of our children.
Kevin Probst lives in Columbus, Georgia. He is a teacher of History and Apologetics at a private high school. He submits articles pertaining to theology, apologetics, Christian living and American culture. If you have an interest in those ideas please visit his website at: http://www.kpprobst.blogspot.com and offer your opinions or join the conversation.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Children:-More-Precious-Than-Gold&id=6357960] A Father's Children: More Precious Than Gold
"Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them." (Psalm 127:3-5)
Maybe you've heard this story before, if so, it is worth repeating. A man worked very hard throughout his entire life. He finally made it to heaven and an angel met him at the gate. The angel welcomed him and saw that the man was dragging a huge container. The angel said, "You won't be needing that, sir." "Oh, but I must have this. I've worked and labored by the sweat of my brow my entire life for this. I've invested everything in it. Please." The angel was very curious what a man might work so hard for so the angel asked, "Okay. But, sir, might I see what it is that is so valuable to you?" The man opened the container to reveal it was full of gold. The angel looked perplexed and astonished, "Why have you worked so hard for that, sir? We pave our streets with that stuff." He had spent his days for nothing more than asphalt in heaven.
If a man were to gain the whole world and lose his son, what does it profit him? My five year old son, Kameron, has arrived at the 'mimic daddy' stage. His godmother bought him a watch the other day and he was so proud of it. He wanted to wear it to bed. "Daddy, why don't you wear your watch to bed?" I replied, "I don't need to know what time it is and it's a bit uncomfortable." So, he took off his watch, walked out to the living room and laid it on the coffee table beside my watch. I am on constant alert because he patterns himself after everything I do and say.
If a man were to gain the whole world and lose his daughter, what does it profit him? A bitter-sweet day for fathers is the day you give your daughter away to another man in marriage. The standard by which your daughter measures a man who is a candidate to be her husband will be based upon the character of her father. She will probably not aim any higher than her father. Fathers must hold the standard high.
There are days when I've come home literally exhausted. Times when I've longed for some time of solitude, a time of quietness and rest. I've dragged myself in the door some evenings and all I want to do is collapse but I am met at the door by an energetic five year old boy who has been waiting all day for his daddy to come home. He wants to chase, he wants to tickle and he wants to wrestle and he wants more than anything the attention of his daddy. What is a weary father to do? He sucks it up and wrestles because the time spent with his precious son is more important than even rest to his weary body.
Fathers may be thought of as a mirror, a thermostat and a compass in the home.
1. The Father is a mirror to his children. Your son learns to like what you like. Your daughters especially will look in the mirror that is their father to see if it reflects any beauty or value in her. A father who belittles and degrades his children does irreparable harm to their self-esteem.
A father must realize that he is like a god to his children. His ultimate purpose is to portray the image of God to his family. He introduces God through his own character. His children worship the ground he walks on. I remember being a young child in grade school bragging to my friends how strong and smart my dad was. I had the best Dad in the world and I wanted everyone to know it. That's why, when a father uses words that bring shame to a child, the child believes every word as the gospel truth. If you tell him he is worthless he won't question you. In education we call it a self-fulfilling prophecy. Tell a child he can't succeed and he won't. Tell a child he is a failure and he'll likely become a failure.
Lutzer tells of a father who told his adoptive son in a moment of anger, "You are nothing. You are what just the result of a one-night-stand." That father didn't murder his child but he may have done something worse. He destroyed his inner soul. He stomped on and crushed the boy's sense of self worth and that son may never recover from those words.
2. A Father is a thermostat in his home. He sets the tone for the atmosphere within the home. His anger or moodiness is contagious. His joy and humor is like a healing salve during difficult times. He sets the parameters for how family members speak to and treat each other.
3. A Father is the compass of the home. If church isn't important to dad it won't be important to the children. If the children never see dad reading his Bible it's not likely they will read their Bible. If dad treats mom with disrespect then the children will treat her in like manner. Young ladies dating and hoping to marry, do you want to know how he will treat you after you are married? A strong indicator is to check out how he treats his mother or how his father treats his mother.
A father who comes home every weekend and lay on the sofa watching television and eating chips and drinking beer often wonders why his children are not industrious. "Why are my kids so lazy?" It's because he sets the tone. When he runs with his buddies he cusses like a sailor and then smacks his nine year old son when he says a cuss word. The boy is only trying to be like his dad, his dad is like a god to him. Why is he being punished for wanting to be like his daddy?
Fathers are often deceived into thinking the most important thing in life is earning another dollar, reaching for a bigger home or a nicer car. It's wonderful if a father can provide the very best for his family but he nor his family will take any of that into the next life. As fathers, we need to learn and emphasize the three R's: earn respect from your children and wife, develop relationship with family and God and demonstrate a religion that proves itself when times get difficult because nothing is more important than the souls of our children.
Kevin Probst lives in Columbus, Georgia. He is a teacher of History and Apologetics at a private high school. He submits articles pertaining to theology, apologetics, Christian living and American culture. If you have an interest in those ideas please visit his website at: http://www.kpprobst.blogspot.com and offer your opinions or join the conversation.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Children:-More-Precious-Than-Gold&id=6357960] A Father's Children: More Precious Than Gold
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A Father's Day Gift From Dad
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Bernard_Boulton]Bernard Boulton
My wife Vantoria had a great idea that we incorporated at our church for Children's Day. After worship was concluded the children and parents gathered in the fellowship wing to read letters that was written by parents to their children. It was a very moving experience as some parents cried as they read their words to their children. I was one of the parents who wrote a letter along with my wife Vantoria. This very personal and meaningful exercise took me down memory lane as I wrote to my son. I remembered the day that Vantoria told me that she was expecting. I immediately got on the phone and called my Mother first and then my Mother in law. I remembered the many times when I laid my hand on my wife's abdomen to pray for our unborn child. I remembered the trips to the Doctor and the first sonogram. I remembered the morning that Vantoria's labor began and the eventual birth of our son Bernard Quincy Boulton, who was born six days after Father Day that year. I remember Quincy growing through the stages of childhood. The first time that he walked, his first immunization shot, his first day at school. The first time he led a song in the church choir.
And I remembered the fears of being a Father. The financial struggles of working temp jobs with no security and very little income creating many fear for me the first year of his life. I remembered the times I felt so inadequate in providing for my son. I remembered the times when I wondered was I good enough to be a Father, did I have what it took to raise this boy to manhood? Was I successful enough to give him a consistent example of what it meant to be a man and a father? I remembered the pressure and the pain of my own unrealized expectations. Vantoria had to read my letter to Quincy because my voice was hoarse from preaching that afternoon under the strain of allergies. As I listened to the words that I had written the day before I was moved to tears. I thanked God for my wife's great idea that gave me an opportunity to give this gift to my son.
And so I'm sharing this idea because I'm not one to sit on a great idea. I was inspired to share this gift with every Father that would read these words this weekend and beyond this weekend. And I know that this is your weekend to be celebrated and appreciated. This is your weekend for fun, fellowship and gifts. But I just thought I would encourage you to give a gift to your child or children. As a Father you have already given so much. You gave your child life and security. You have given them values and faith. I just wanted to give you an idea to give them your words. Words that they will read long after Father's Day is over for this year. Words that they will cherish for the rest of their lives. Happy Father's Day and remember it is a blessing to give as well as receive.
Pastor Bernard Boulton lives and pastors in South Virginia. He is the author of DO YOU WANNA BE MADE WHOLE? a novel written from a man's perspective on how a man lives, makes mistakes and finds life again. He is also the author of the short story JAKE AND ERIC in the anthology HOME AGAIN. Both books can be found at his website, [http://WWW.BERNARDBOULTON.COM]http://WWW.BERNARDBOULTON.COM. Bernard will be releasing his first inspirational non fiction book this summer and he is currently writing the sequel to DO YOU WANNA BE MADE WHOLE?
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Day-Gift-From-Dad&id=6359727] A Father's Day Gift From Dad
My wife Vantoria had a great idea that we incorporated at our church for Children's Day. After worship was concluded the children and parents gathered in the fellowship wing to read letters that was written by parents to their children. It was a very moving experience as some parents cried as they read their words to their children. I was one of the parents who wrote a letter along with my wife Vantoria. This very personal and meaningful exercise took me down memory lane as I wrote to my son. I remembered the day that Vantoria told me that she was expecting. I immediately got on the phone and called my Mother first and then my Mother in law. I remembered the many times when I laid my hand on my wife's abdomen to pray for our unborn child. I remembered the trips to the Doctor and the first sonogram. I remembered the morning that Vantoria's labor began and the eventual birth of our son Bernard Quincy Boulton, who was born six days after Father Day that year. I remember Quincy growing through the stages of childhood. The first time that he walked, his first immunization shot, his first day at school. The first time he led a song in the church choir.
And I remembered the fears of being a Father. The financial struggles of working temp jobs with no security and very little income creating many fear for me the first year of his life. I remembered the times I felt so inadequate in providing for my son. I remembered the times when I wondered was I good enough to be a Father, did I have what it took to raise this boy to manhood? Was I successful enough to give him a consistent example of what it meant to be a man and a father? I remembered the pressure and the pain of my own unrealized expectations. Vantoria had to read my letter to Quincy because my voice was hoarse from preaching that afternoon under the strain of allergies. As I listened to the words that I had written the day before I was moved to tears. I thanked God for my wife's great idea that gave me an opportunity to give this gift to my son.
And so I'm sharing this idea because I'm not one to sit on a great idea. I was inspired to share this gift with every Father that would read these words this weekend and beyond this weekend. And I know that this is your weekend to be celebrated and appreciated. This is your weekend for fun, fellowship and gifts. But I just thought I would encourage you to give a gift to your child or children. As a Father you have already given so much. You gave your child life and security. You have given them values and faith. I just wanted to give you an idea to give them your words. Words that they will read long after Father's Day is over for this year. Words that they will cherish for the rest of their lives. Happy Father's Day and remember it is a blessing to give as well as receive.
Pastor Bernard Boulton lives and pastors in South Virginia. He is the author of DO YOU WANNA BE MADE WHOLE? a novel written from a man's perspective on how a man lives, makes mistakes and finds life again. He is also the author of the short story JAKE AND ERIC in the anthology HOME AGAIN. Both books can be found at his website, [http://WWW.BERNARDBOULTON.COM]http://WWW.BERNARDBOULTON.COM. Bernard will be releasing his first inspirational non fiction book this summer and he is currently writing the sequel to DO YOU WANNA BE MADE WHOLE?
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?A-Fathers-Day-Gift-From-Dad&id=6359727] A Father's Day Gift From Dad
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Some Tips to Make the Most of Father's Day
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Shelley_Webb]Shelley Webb
Father's day is being celebrated in many countries around the world this Sunday, including the United States and Canada.
If you have an aging father, each Father's Day becomes a little bit more melancholy as the passage of time and the aging process becomes more evident. We want to be able to make the best of the time spent with our fathers and to gather as many memories as possible.
Whether you're going to your loved one's home, to their residence (assisted living, memory center, etc.) or whether they're coming to yours, Father's Day is a wonderful opportunity to open the lines of communication and learn more about their family stories.
If you'll be visiting your father or spouse at an assisted living facility or nursing home, call ahead to let the staff know and to ascertain when dinner might be served so that you have plenty of time for an unrushed visit.
Try to make the atmosphere as relaxed as possible. Remember that elders can become anxious and agitated when there is to much commotion. Also, keep in mind that elders can become chilly easily (even in the warmer months) so consider having some layered clothing available.
If your loved one can communicate, here are some ideas of things to talk about in order to elicit memories and family stories (don't forget to either jot the answers down or to videotape the conversation). Photographs are great too, so remember to bring a camera.
How did they celebrate their own father's special day?
What was his favorite Father's Day gift and why?
Who was his best friend and what was the most exciting adventure they had together?
What kinds of chores was he assigned to do when he was young?
Who was his favorite teacher and why?
What was the best meal that his mother ever made?
What kind of music did he like when he was young? Did he go to dances?
What was his first car? (very important to a guy)
Does he have any war stories?
Did he have any favorite pets and what were their names?
You may also want to bring along a few photos from when you and your siblings (or children) were younger in order to talk about his recollections of them.
If you can't be there in person, you might want to attempt a quiet conversation by phone - schedule a few times to chat... and take notes.
There are a lot of other questions that you could ask. Make a list this week and be intentional about gathering some of your family's stories before it's too late to obtain them. You'll be glad you did.
Shelley Webb has been a registered nurse for almost 30 years, with experience in the fields of neonatal intensive care, dialysis, case management and elder care. When her father came to live with her in 2005, the advantages of her medical experience became clear. Due to his dementia and congestive heart failure, her father was not able to care for himself alone any longer and so she took over these duties.
Having experienced the helplessness, frustration, overwhelm and even loneliness that care giving for an aging parent brings, Shelley is well aware of the emotional and educational support that caregivers need and so she began The Intentional Caregiver web site. With its weekly newsletter, daily news updates and monthly audio interviews of experts in elder care and supporting services, Shelley strives to encourage and educate caregivers so that they can be empowered to provide the best possible care for themselves while caring for their aging loved one(s).
In her spare time, she enjoys gardening, raising chickens, ballet classes and wine tasting.
Please see: http://www.IntentionalCaregiver.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Some-Tips-to-Make-the-Most-of-Fathers-Day&id=6360570] Some Tips to Make the Most of Father's Day
Father's day is being celebrated in many countries around the world this Sunday, including the United States and Canada.
If you have an aging father, each Father's Day becomes a little bit more melancholy as the passage of time and the aging process becomes more evident. We want to be able to make the best of the time spent with our fathers and to gather as many memories as possible.
Whether you're going to your loved one's home, to their residence (assisted living, memory center, etc.) or whether they're coming to yours, Father's Day is a wonderful opportunity to open the lines of communication and learn more about their family stories.
If you'll be visiting your father or spouse at an assisted living facility or nursing home, call ahead to let the staff know and to ascertain when dinner might be served so that you have plenty of time for an unrushed visit.
Try to make the atmosphere as relaxed as possible. Remember that elders can become anxious and agitated when there is to much commotion. Also, keep in mind that elders can become chilly easily (even in the warmer months) so consider having some layered clothing available.
If your loved one can communicate, here are some ideas of things to talk about in order to elicit memories and family stories (don't forget to either jot the answers down or to videotape the conversation). Photographs are great too, so remember to bring a camera.
How did they celebrate their own father's special day?
What was his favorite Father's Day gift and why?
Who was his best friend and what was the most exciting adventure they had together?
What kinds of chores was he assigned to do when he was young?
Who was his favorite teacher and why?
What was the best meal that his mother ever made?
What kind of music did he like when he was young? Did he go to dances?
What was his first car? (very important to a guy)
Does he have any war stories?
Did he have any favorite pets and what were their names?
You may also want to bring along a few photos from when you and your siblings (or children) were younger in order to talk about his recollections of them.
If you can't be there in person, you might want to attempt a quiet conversation by phone - schedule a few times to chat... and take notes.
There are a lot of other questions that you could ask. Make a list this week and be intentional about gathering some of your family's stories before it's too late to obtain them. You'll be glad you did.
Shelley Webb has been a registered nurse for almost 30 years, with experience in the fields of neonatal intensive care, dialysis, case management and elder care. When her father came to live with her in 2005, the advantages of her medical experience became clear. Due to his dementia and congestive heart failure, her father was not able to care for himself alone any longer and so she took over these duties.
Having experienced the helplessness, frustration, overwhelm and even loneliness that care giving for an aging parent brings, Shelley is well aware of the emotional and educational support that caregivers need and so she began The Intentional Caregiver web site. With its weekly newsletter, daily news updates and monthly audio interviews of experts in elder care and supporting services, Shelley strives to encourage and educate caregivers so that they can be empowered to provide the best possible care for themselves while caring for their aging loved one(s).
In her spare time, she enjoys gardening, raising chickens, ballet classes and wine tasting.
Please see: http://www.IntentionalCaregiver.com
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Some-Tips-to-Make-the-Most-of-Fathers-Day&id=6360570] Some Tips to Make the Most of Father's Day
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Daddy's Labour
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Brenda_W.]Brenda W.
It's true, labour and childbirth put us mummies to the test. We feel the pain of the contractions, the pushing, being at the centre of attention of the obstetricians, in addition, of course, to experiencing the birth of the baby in a more absorbing way. But let's try for a moment to abandon the clich�s and let's think of our companions... Yes, up to this point they only got the pleasant side of the birth of a child. But let's try putting ourselves in their shoes.
For them, the experience of birth could be much more difficult than for us, especially from the emotional viewpoint. The huge belly, a curse and a blessing of our nine months, also has the undeniable advantage of preparing us for the arrival of the little one, of giving us the awareness that a little being is really on his way. The morning sickness first and the kicking now, and labour then accompany us through a process of growth that transforms women into mothers. Our partners experience nothing of the sort. And compared to us, they usually have a lesser inclination toward psychological introspection; they are almost reticent about facing their fears, in admitting them completely, even to themselves. Seeing the attention totally focused on their partner triggers in them an ambiguous past experience made of fear for the unknown, jealousy, guilt and a feeling of impotence, which is surely non very pleasant.
And let's not forget the anxiety that, in many men, surfaces from the prospective of witnessing childbirth. If for some it is exciting - there are even those who film the event on tape - there are many men who fear not being able to stand the sight of blood, the idea that the woman might suffer or a high emotional-impact atmosphere. We should not forget the most strictly "visual" aspect. For a man it is not an easy task to see his partner's body, which up to just a while before was a source of desire and sexual pleasure, transform into a generator of life through pain. The fear of no longer being able to touch his companion like before could become a reality and, from there, comes the sensation that nothing will be the same; that everything may change. Also, the anecdotic tales of friends who have "been there" often do nothing but make the situation worse.
It is important to involve our companion during the nine months, trying to make him experience his essential role of father, asking him to talk to the baby in the belly, caressing our abdomen when the baby kicks. Invite him to come with you to the pre-birth classes, so he can become familiar with the hospital environment and see how other expecting couples experience this. It doesn't take much to absorb him in this very important event. And don't make him feel like an absent father if he decides not to be present for the actual birth: he can still become the best daddy in the world.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Daddys-Labour&id=6362952] Daddy's Labour
It's true, labour and childbirth put us mummies to the test. We feel the pain of the contractions, the pushing, being at the centre of attention of the obstetricians, in addition, of course, to experiencing the birth of the baby in a more absorbing way. But let's try for a moment to abandon the clich�s and let's think of our companions... Yes, up to this point they only got the pleasant side of the birth of a child. But let's try putting ourselves in their shoes.
For them, the experience of birth could be much more difficult than for us, especially from the emotional viewpoint. The huge belly, a curse and a blessing of our nine months, also has the undeniable advantage of preparing us for the arrival of the little one, of giving us the awareness that a little being is really on his way. The morning sickness first and the kicking now, and labour then accompany us through a process of growth that transforms women into mothers. Our partners experience nothing of the sort. And compared to us, they usually have a lesser inclination toward psychological introspection; they are almost reticent about facing their fears, in admitting them completely, even to themselves. Seeing the attention totally focused on their partner triggers in them an ambiguous past experience made of fear for the unknown, jealousy, guilt and a feeling of impotence, which is surely non very pleasant.
And let's not forget the anxiety that, in many men, surfaces from the prospective of witnessing childbirth. If for some it is exciting - there are even those who film the event on tape - there are many men who fear not being able to stand the sight of blood, the idea that the woman might suffer or a high emotional-impact atmosphere. We should not forget the most strictly "visual" aspect. For a man it is not an easy task to see his partner's body, which up to just a while before was a source of desire and sexual pleasure, transform into a generator of life through pain. The fear of no longer being able to touch his companion like before could become a reality and, from there, comes the sensation that nothing will be the same; that everything may change. Also, the anecdotic tales of friends who have "been there" often do nothing but make the situation worse.
It is important to involve our companion during the nine months, trying to make him experience his essential role of father, asking him to talk to the baby in the belly, caressing our abdomen when the baby kicks. Invite him to come with you to the pre-birth classes, so he can become familiar with the hospital environment and see how other expecting couples experience this. It doesn't take much to absorb him in this very important event. And don't make him feel like an absent father if he decides not to be present for the actual birth: he can still become the best daddy in the world.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Daddys-Labour&id=6362952] Daddy's Labour
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