By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Lyndsay_Katauskas]Lyndsay Katauskas
This article addresses writing a feeling letter to your father who has passed away in response to my last article about getting through Father's Day after Loss. Losing a parent whether it is due to natural or extenuating circumstances is painless, right? Wrong. When we lose a part of ourselves, we not only lose the parent who brought us into the world, we also lose history and memories that we can never get back. A huge gaping hole is more like it. And whether we had a doting father or a detached father, losing them still hurts. A loss could also mean being cut off from your father in such a way that to bring up these feelings of grief would open up wounds that won't heal. If that's the case, then you can also write a Feeling Letter. In fact, whenever you do the Feeling Letter exercise, you don't have to send it to the intended person.
Why? The Feeling Letter is an exercise intended to help you sort through your emotions so that you first identify what they are, feel the emotions (instead of repressing them), and then move on. Often we are afraid that if we allow ourselves to feel, then we might get stuck in the feelings. The Feeling Letter is a process that helps you move through the emotion and get safely ashore on the other side. Then you are able to move on and start over loving again. After you've sought outside help, allowed yourself time to grieve, the last step in the stages of grief is to become fully whole again.
To bring closure you need to gain understanding, to give yourself the love you need that you may not have received from your father in life. When you do this exercise you are flexing your emotional muscles. It may feel painful at first, but muscles have to tear a little, before they grow even bigger and stronger. This is also what we need to do to grow and mature from the relationships we lose. Our society often does not give us the time or space to process our feelings, this exercise does.
Dr. John Gray encourages people to use Feeling Letters to move through emotions for many things. He explains more about grief and finding closure in relationships in Mars and Venus Starting Over. Doing the Feeling Letter near Father's Day may also help you remember and bring peace about your father passing away instead of the raw, fresh feelings you may currently feel. Before you start this exercise make sure you are in a quiet, comfortable place where you feel safe. Give yourself at least thirty minutes to complete all three letters, and make sure there will be no distractions. You may also want to listen to relaxing music in the background, and have some tissues on hand.
The Feeling Letter
Dear (Your Dad),
I am writing you this letter to share my feelings with you.
LEVEL 1: Anger
I don't like...
I resent...
I feel frustrated...
I feel angry...
I feel furious...
LEVEL 2: Sadness
It hurts...
I feel disappointed...
I feel sad...
I feel unhappy...
I wish...
LEVEL 3: Fear
It is painful...
I feel worried...
I feel afraid...
I feel scared...
I need...
LEVEL 4: Remorse and Apologies
I feel embarrassed...
I am sorry...
I feel ashamed...
I am willing...
LEVEL 5: Love, Understanding, Gratitude and Forgiveness
I want...
I appreciate...
I forgive...
Thank you...
I would like...
I trust...
Love, (Your Name)
Part 2
The Response Letter
In part two of the letter process, you are writing a letter to yourself. Pretend that you are your dad and write the response you would want to hear. Say whatever makes you feel heard and nurtured.
Dear (Your name),
Thank you for...
I understand...
I am sorry...
You deserve...
I want...
I love...
Love, (Your Dad)
Part 3
The completion Letter
In the third part of this exercise you deal with expressing your positive feelings towards the person you have just written the feeling letter to-your dad. After writing the response that would make you feel most supported, then it is important to express and affirm your positive feelings of forgiveness, understanding, gratitude, and trust. It also helps to express how being loved like this makes you feel.
Some people find the forgiveness section of the Feeling Letter extremely difficult, because they think they don't want to forgive their dad. When you forgive your dad, it is not for him, it is for YOU. He will not even know if you have forgiven him. When you forgive someone it does NOT mean their actions are forgotten or acceptable. What it means is you are letting go so YOU can move forward, and not have this continue to affect your life. Otherwise you will continue to carry the hurt, and this does not do you any good. And, often the person involved doesn't know you're hurting. By forgiving them-they won't know that either, but you will.
Dear (Your Dad),
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
I forgive you for...
Thank you for...
I'm sorry that...
I love you...
Love, (Your Name)
If you find closure from this exercise, then you can also use it for any other situations that are unresolved in your life as well. If the grief is deep, then you may have to do the exercise a few times until the pain dissipates.
Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?Dad-Is-Gone,-But-I-Still-Have-Feelings&id=6324203] Dad Is Gone, But I Still Have Feelings
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