The Reward For Being A Good Father Is Bigger Than Money

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Ken_Solin]Ken Solin
My life has been blessed in many ways, but my single greatest blessing was the opportunity to be a father. I raised my son as a single dad from the time he was a year old. There are lots of philosophies regarding what constitutes a good father, but my experience is that it's actually simple to define. Mostly, it was about personal sacrifice, and in addition to the sacrifice, I was willing to work hard to achieve my goal, which was to produce the best man possible.
Fathering a son well is an experience for which a man doesn't get a second chance. Forgetting for the moment, all the imaginable excuses for not getting this right, your responsibility to your son is entirely open-ended. Forget the fantasy that once your son goes off to college, you're finished. You're never finished, but the nature of your relationship with him evolves into a loving friendship. Nothing, including your career, takes precedence over being the best father possible. Your son's every need is yours to provide or not. Giving up a Saturday morning ball game with your friends, to spend that time with your son instead, is a sacrifice that your son will remember for the rest of his life. It creates the memories you and your son will always share.
Nothing I've ever accomplished in my life comes close to the joyous feeling I have in my heart about consistently doing the best I could for my son. There's a fallacy that suggests it's about the quality of time spent with a son that matters more than the quantity. My experience suggests it's both. Since I was a single dad, I was the only parent he could depend on. Fathers who co-parent should also consider sacrificing their own agendas in favor of their son's needs.
I coached his soccer and baseball teams, baked cookies for school events, drove on school outings, and hosted my share of sleep-overs. I carefully monitored his education and augmented it when necessary.
I set realistic boundaries for both of us around appropriate behavior. I showed respect for his personal preferences in music, hair styles, clothing, and friends. That didn't mean I rubber stamped everything he wanted to do, but rather that I took the time to understand what he wanted to do and tried to guide him in a positive direction. When I couldn't, and it was clear to me he was on a dangerous path, I was a good parent, which meant I was willing to be unpopular and make difficult decisions. He didn't need me to be his friend; he needed me to be his father.
I didn't try to make him into some version of me either. I allowed for our differences in opinions about politics, career goals, and anything else. When he graduated from high school and decided he wasn't ready to go to college, but wanted to join the Marines instead, we spent hours talking about his reasons for enlisting. I didn't try to talk him out of his choice, but wanted him to articulate his reasons for wanting to enlist. He needed my signature because he was only seventeen.
I sat down with his recruiting Sergeant and found out that the toughest school the Marines offered was computer repair for ground to air missiles. I signed on the condition that my son was given that specific training. Since it was primarily about computers, my son mustered out three years later with solid computer skills.
He enrolled in college full-time and received his B.S. in Economics. Since I had promised to pay his way before he was a Marine, I paid for college, but I also insisted he work part-time. He ended up working thirty hours a week and carrying a full load. The Marines taught him discipline. He took his first job after graduating, in Denver, an airplane flight away. I was heartbroken, but he reminded me that this was his life to live, not mine. I raised him to be independent, and he was.
My son and I have had a non-stop, loving relationship for his entire forty-four years. My grandson is seven, and I notice that my son is a better dad than I was. My relationship with my father had been violent and neglectful, and I was determined to be a better father and man. I couldn't be more proud of my son. I told him recently that he was the dad I wished I'd had.
All the sacrifices I made seem insignificant compared to the joy I've received. I wouldn't trade having been a dad for anything. If you're a new dad, put in the work and be able to say the same thing about your son when he's grown. No matter your career or other life experiences, nothing rivals the feeling of having a son who loves you and appreciates what you've done for him.
For twenty years, author and lecturer Ken Solin has helped men move beyond the issues that limit their lives. Both men and women follow Ken since his work is primarily about relationships.
Ken's website, http://www.kensolin.com/ is filled blogs about real life problems.
There's a frank, gritty, 42 minute television pilot about men that will surprise men and women alike.
There's also book excerpts from Ken's new, soon to be published book, Eight Angry Men.
Article Source: [http://EzineArticles.com/?The-Reward-For-Being-A-Good-Father-Is-Bigger-Than-Money&id=6387012] The Reward For Being A Good Father Is Bigger Than Money